#i think i wrote this in december 2021

[taylor-on-your-dash]

Writing Of Fearless Timeline

DISCLAIMER: None is this is my opinion unless stated otherwise. Some dates might be wrong, I was not in the fandom when Fearless was released, I joined shortly after Fearless Platinum dropped. If you saw the rollout of the release, I'd love to hear your story!

Please credit me if you use this timeline!

Early 2005: Taylor has a writing session with the Warren Brothers. They write That's When.

[BMI Article from May 2005] “She has written songs with a list of renowned writers including Troy Verges, Brett Beavers, and the Warren Brothers.”

[Alexa Skill for Taylor's Version] “That's When is a song that I wrote with the Warren Brothers and it was really fun writing with them because they're just hilarious people in general and I remember it was a classic Nashville songwriting session: you sit around a room, you go to a publishing office, you sit around in a room, everybody's got guitars and we just kind of came up with this song about space and independence and what happens when two people love each other but one of them just needs to take a breather and think about it and what would happen if rather than saying "No, if you're not sure, then leave and I don't want to talk to you ever again", what would happen if the partner was like "Do what you need to do, I'm here and I'm sure that I want to be with you, so if you need to take some space then do it", and we're just kind of playing around with that idea and we came up with this song.”

It's also possible that That's When was written later (but before September 2005) and they wrote Long Time Going and Welcome Distraction first.

February 12, 2005: Taylor writes with Scooter Carusoe for the first time, but it's unclear if they wrote You All Over Me, or Thirteen Blocks or Pretty Words. Either way, You All Over Me was written in early 2005. Scooter produced the demo, which leaked in 2017.

Scott's email to Taylor's manager, Dan Dymtrow (thanks @backup-baby-backup for sending this to me!):

[Alexa Skill for Taylor's Version] “The song You All Over Me is one that I wrote with a writer who goes by the name Scooter Carusoe, his name is Travis Hill. This was one of the songs that I remember us painstakingly going over the lyrics and trying to come up with all these different symbolic imagery references to how it could feel after you have your heart broken, just to feel like you've been ruined by the whole thing and I think that's one of the hardest things about heartbreak, this feeling like it's damaged you and now you carry that damage with you.”

Late 2005: Taylor writes Don't You with Tommy Lee James.

[Alexa Skill for Taylor's Version] “Don't You is a song that I wrote with Tommy Lee James, who's a fantastic writer. We wrote it about the idea of seeing someone that you used to have a thing for and seeing them out in public for the first time after you've heard that they've moved on and that you know your life is your life is kind of in shambles and they have moved on and they're really happy and it's almost like even them being nice to you hurts you because you're in such a state of pain and you haven't moved on yet, so that was a really fun song to write because that's just a well spring of emotion to draw from.”

[Tommy Lee James] “The crazy thing about this song is that I remember writing with Taylor that day, and I remember her just being really sharp and smart. I knew I was writing a good song. And then normally, back then I’d probably just do like a worktape or whatever, and I would throw it into my Garage Band on my computer just to save it and label it. But for some reason, I never labeled it correctly. And then, all of a sudden, Taylor comes out with ‘Tim McGraw’, and all of a sudden she’s a star. My publisher at the time, she’s going, ‘Where is that song you wrote with Taylor!?’ And I was like…'I cannot find it.'”

There are three demos of Don't You. Taylor only sings in a piano worktape, while other people sing on the other two. The IC owns these three demos since 2019. They bought them from Music Row. They described the worktape as: “A melancholic piano demo with haunting vocals, that have a sadness and longing to them, this was likely recorded in 2005, and was probably considered for the first album. Taylor runs into her ex and feels pain, because it brings back so many hard feelings and sad emotions, she feels that she still loves him and wonders why he doesn’t feel the same way, she will try her best to go along to go on with her life.”

Somewhere in 2005: Taylor releases a digital EP called “Majorly Indie Demos”. The tracklisting is unclear but the demos of Sweet Tea & God's Graces and We Were Happy were there.

There are two demos of We Were Happy, one acoustic worktape and one studio demo. Both of them have leaked.

One thing that I want to point out is that Majorly Indie was Arturo Buenahora's website. Buenahora is the executive who signed Taylor to music publisher Sony/ATV and introduced her to many songwriters, including Scooter Carusoe and Deric Ruttan. Buenahora left Sony/ATV and founded his own publishing house called Ole Majorly Indie, which then changed its name to Anthem Entertainment. This is Liz Rose's music publisher.

September 2006: Taylor writes Come In With The Rain.

Description of the Come In With the Rain Acoustic Demo: 4 min 03 sec. Simply Taylor and her acoustic guitar in this early demo recording. Passionate guitar playing during the breaks between vocal parts when Taylor stops singing. [Not Leaked]

She'll later release an early mix of the song on MySpace also in September. Posting the song on MySpace got her to surpass 1 million followers.

October 12, 2006: [From a Lover Journal] Taylor doodles Come In With The Rain on her diary.

November 2, 2006: Taylor writes Sparks Fly. This song was considered for Fearless before being cut.

December 1, 2006: [Interview with CMT] Taylor talks about the Debut rejects that will later become some of the Fearless Vault Songs in 2021.

“I've been very selfish about my songs. I had this dream of this project [Debut Album] coming out for so many years now that I just stockpiled. I'm so happy that I did because now we have a second album full of songs and a third album full of songs, and I don't have to lift a finger.”

December 2006: [From a Lover Journal] Taylor writes White Horse.

Original Lyrics from Taylor's Journal

Another handwritten version from the Grammy's Museum (partial photo)

[People Magazine] "[White Horse] was written with frequent collaborator Liz Rose in a 30-minute spurt while sitting in the hallway of a Nashville recording studio-Swift scribbled the lyrics into her ever-present journal. "I write stuff so fast that it comes out really messy!" she says. The writing session was "like therapy," and helped her reach the conclusion that ends the song. "Someday I'll find somebody who makes me feel like a princess," she says of the sentiment. "This isn't my last fairy tale."

[Liz Rose] She was in the studio doing some vocal changes. She just called me and said, "Hey, I have an idea, will you come into the studio so we can write this?"

Description of the White Horse Studio Demo: 3 min 36 sec. A perfect acoustic studio version. Taylor sounds so young here, it makes us think this song was written prior to the first album.

December 28, 2006: Performance at the Wildhorse Saloon in Nashville. Unknown setlist except for Nashville and Our Song. Sam Armstrong was there and will comment in 2018 that Taylor performed a song about him there. It's unclear whether it was White Horse or Nashville (which is not about him, by the way).

Early 2007: Taylor writes The Other Side Of The Door.

Description of The Other Side of the Door Studio Demo: “4 minutes and 01 seconds: Starts with a catchy drum loop similar to the studio version of "Permanent Marker" and has less instrumentation. Very country with electric guitars coming in sooner.” She sounds SO young in the demo, it's basically the same baby voice she has in the Christmas songs. [Leaked]

April 2007: Taylor writes You're Not Sorry, possibily about Sam Armstrong.

[Interview from October 2008] “I wrote it about maybe a year and half ago about this guy that kept apologizing and kept doing the same thing over and over again and after a while you just have stand up to that person and say, ‘You’re not sorry. At all... bye.’”

“I wrote a few more songs [other than Should've Said No] on this upcoming record about him just because, you know, I wasn’t done being mad about it. I know he's on the edge of his seat waiting.

“It is about this guy who turned out to not be who I thought I was. He came across as Prince Charming. Well, it turned out Prince Charming had a lot of secrets that he didn’t tell me about. And one by one, I would figure them out. I would find out who he really was. I wrote this when I was at the breaking point of, ‘You know what? Don’t even think that you can keep on hurting me.’ It was to a point where I had to walk away.”

Gossip Speculation: The other songs for Sam are: White Horse, You're Not Sorry, Come In With The Rain and The Other Side Of The Door.

May 15, 2007: During an interview with Unrated Magazine conducted while she was getting ready for the ACMs Awards, Taylor says she has written more or less 75 songs, including Fearless.

[Unrated Magazine Interview] “I've got, like, 75 written, and we just have to whittle it down to whatever number of songs we want to put on the album, and start recording. I wrote this song that I'm really excited about called "Fearless." It's about the best first date that I haven't been on yet. I just try and put myself in the position of "this is really happening,' and what would happen on the coolest first date. So I haven't ever written a song about, you know, that feeling before. I've written songs, but I haven't recorded them or put them on an album, and so I think that would be a cool. It's about angry, not sad . The whole thing - I think it's really going to be cool for people to see that sort of song coming out of me. I would tell you about every single song on the album right now, I just can't wait for you to hear it.”

“She conceived the song while touring as opening act to promote her eponymous debut album: "This is a song about the fearlessness of falling in love. No matter how many break up songs you write, no matter how many times you get hurt, you will always fall in love again. When I wrote “Fearless,” I wasn’t dating anyone. I wasn’t even in the beginning stages of dating anybody. I really was all by myself out on tour and I got this idea for a song about the best first date. I think sometimes when you’re writing love songs, you don’t write them about what you’re going through at the moment, you write about what you wish you had. So, this song is about the best first date I haven't had yet.”

[Hillary Lindsay to MusicRow.com] “I had a writing date with Taylor, and she came to my home. She came in like a fireball. She was young, but she knew exactly what she wanted. She had been working on the song with Liz, but wanted to finish it with me.”

May 30, 2007: First recorded performance of Sparks Fly in Oroville, CA.. Steve from the Inner Circle/Dark Blue Tennessee.com films it and posts it online.

July 10, 2007: [From MySpace] “So lately, I’ve been in the studio on my days off recording a CHRISTMAS album! Haha. Not kidding. It’s a Target exclusive thing, and I’m really excited about it! There are two songs on it that I wrote. More on it later!”

According to its copyright file, Christmases When You Were Mine was written in 2007, but it's totally possible that it was written around Christmas '06. In my opinion, since Nathan Chapman is credited as writer, it was likely written in the studio just for the EP.

Christmas Must Be Something More was written in 2003. The Acoustic Demo from 2003 has never leaked and its existence only surfaced in 2018 thanks to Bob Orrall.

July 19, 2007: Taylor and Brad Paisley stop at the Jamboree In The Hills in Morristown, Ohio, where she sings Permanent Marker, and Fearless, along other songs from Debut.

March 2007: Taylor has written more or less 75 songs, including Fearless.

[Unrated Magazine Interview] “I've got, like, 75 written, and we just have to whittle it down to whatever number of songs we want to put on the album, and start recording. I wrote this song that I'm really excited about called "Fearless." It's about the best first date that I haven't been on yet. I just try and put myself in the position of "this is really happening,' and what would happen on the coolest first date. So I haven't ever written a song about, you know, that feeling before. I've written songs, but I haven't recorded them or put them on an album, and so I think that would be a cool.”

“She conceived the song while touring as opening act to promote her eponymous debut album: "This is a song about the fearlessness of falling in love. No matter how many break up songs you write, no matter how many times you get hurt, you will always fall in love again. When I wrote “Fearless,” I wasn’t dating anyone. I wasn’t even in the beginning stages of dating anybody. I really was all by myself out on tour and I got this idea for a song about the best first date. I think sometimes when you’re writing love songs, you don’t write them about what you’re going through at the moment, you write about what you wish you had. So, this song is about the best first date I haven't had yet.”

[Hillary Lindsay to MusicRow.com] “I had a writing date with Taylor, and she came to my home. She came in like a fireball. She was young, but she knew exactly what she wanted. She had been working on the song with Liz, but wanted to finish it with me.”

August 2007: Taylor writes The Best Day while on tour with Brad Paisley.

“I wrote this song on the road and didn’t tell my mom about it. I decided that I was going to keep it a secret and give it to her as a surprise for Christmas. I wrote it in the summer and then recorded it secretly with the band in the studio. After it was done, I synched the song up to all these home videos of her, and my family. She didn’t even realize it was me singing until halfway through the song! She didn’t have any idea that I could possibly write and record a song without her knowing about it. When she finally got it, she just started bawling her eyes out.”

September 22, 2007: Taylor posts on MySpace: “I'm just counting down to December, when we start recording the next album. There's so much that I'm excited about.”

August/September 2007 (not confirmed): Tell Me Why and Acting Like A Boy, both co-written with Liz Rose, are registered together in her Music Publishing catalogue (Sony/ATV). Acting Like A Boy is the 66th song and Tell Me Why the 67th. Shortly after, a song called Too Beautiful, solo written, is copyrighted.

The singer told The Associated Press that this was inspired by her frustration at a boy that she liked acting up. She explained: "I walked into Liz's house, and I said, 'I can't believe what's going on right now, I've gotta tell you about this.' I told her all about it. She goes, 'If you could say everything you were thinking to him right now, what would you start with?'" Swift began venting: "I would say to him, 'I'm sick and tired of your attitude, I feel like I don't even know you' ... and I just started rambling, and she was writing down everything that I was saying, and so, we turned it into a song."

“I’d been talking to a guy I’ve never “officially” dated. Sometimes it’s the hardest thing when you have all these dreams of dating them, and you’re getting close, but it doesn’t work out. He would say things that would make me go, “Did you just say that?” It bothered me so much because he would say one thing and do another, do one thing and say another. Because he didn’t know what he wanted, he would just play all these mind games. So I went over to write with Liz and was just ranting and raving about how this guy is such a flake and such a jerk sometimes, and so cool other times. I was like, “Liz, I don’t know what’s up with this guy!” So I just started playing the beginning, “I took a chance, I took a shot. And you might think I’m bulletproof, but I’m not.””

Description of the Tell Me Why Acoustic Demo: 3 minutes and 7 seconds long. An extremely rare worktape demo from the Fearless album sessions. With studio production stripped away, we are left with Taylor singing along to an acoustic guitar using vocals that are softer and carry more emotional weight. The lyrics are different in some places, which makes for fascinating comparisons.

Description of Acting Like A Boy (worktape): Taylor starts this demo in a unique way by stating the song title. The boy Taylor has been dating has been sending her mixed signals. He has been playing a little game, acting like he doesn't care, and picking fights with her. Taylor is not going to put up with this forever. She is going to slip through his hands soon and he won't find her anymore. This song has a very pretty chorus melody.

October 10, 2007: Taylor premieres Fifteen.

[From the Inner Circle] “First performance of Fifteen at the All For the Hall New York. Quality unknown. We do not currently have a copy of this and are not sure if it was recorded. Tickets cost $1,000 each to attend and Taylor was a surprise guest.”

“I wrote this around the story line of my best friend from high school, Abigail. I started everything with the line “Abigail gave everything she had to a boy who changed his mind” and wrote everything else from that point, almost backwards. I just decided I really wanted to tell that story about our first year of high school because I felt in my freshman year, I grew up more than any year in my life so far.”

October 14, 2007: Sounds of the Season: The Taylor Swift Holiday Collection is released in a limited edition through Target. It will be later reissued in 2009 with a slightly different cover.

October 17, 2007: During an interview with Country Weekly, Taylor says: "I have 30 songs that I want to put on it, which is a little bit difficult because I can only put on 12. I'm real excited for people to hear the new stuff."

November 7, 2007: After months of putting it off, Taylor finishes Change after winning the CMA Horizon award. This will be the last time in which her fiddler Emily Poe would perfom with Taylor.

“That’s when I finished it, because I knew I couldn’t finish it until something like that happened. It was absolutely the most amazing night of my life, getting to see the emotion of all the people who worked so hard for me.”

“At one point, I began to understand that it would be harder for me on a smaller record label to get to the places and accomplish the things that artists were accomplishing on bigger record labels. I realized that I wouldn’t get favors pulled for me because there weren’t any other artists on the label to pull favors from. It was going to be an uphill climb and all that I had to encourage me was the hope that someday things would change. That things would be different. After so many times of just saying that to myself over and over, I finally wrote it down in a song.”

November 30, 2007: Taylor meets up with Colbie Caillat and they write Breathe, for her former fiddle player, Emily Poe.

“She was doing a show in Nashville and I just happened to be in town, so we got together and wrote a killer song. It’s really cool, and I can’t wait for you to hear it. She’s gonna record back up vocals on it for my new album. (They’ll be really loud back up vocals, because she has an incredibly awesome voice and I want it to be turned wayyyy up).”

[Alexa Skill for Taylor's Version] “Breathe is a song about having to let go of someone in your life who you care about and you don't want to hurt but you've outgrown the friendship or the relationship and I wrote this one I wrote the idea for it and Colbie Caillat was in town playing a show and I brought her this idea and she really liked it and we wrote it together, we sat there and wrote the song right before her show, I mean it was the afternoon she was about to play that night. She's singing backup vocals on it that are just so haunting and I'm so lucky because she agreed to do the same backup vocals on my version of Breathe, so it absolutely would not have been the same without her.”

“It’s a song about having to say goodbye to somebody, but it never blames anybody. Sometimes that’s the most difficult part. When it’s nobody’s fault. I was a huge fan of Colbie’s record. When it came out, I fell in love with the way that she makes music. I contacted her management right away and I asked if I could write with her and, sure enough, Colbie had a date coming up in Nashville where she was going to be playing a show and she had the day off. I think she sounds beautiful on it. I’m so excited to have her voice on my album.”

December 5, 2007: [From MySpace] “Speaking of my next album, today was my first day in the studio “pre-planning” for recording it!! My producer, Nathan, and I basically spent all day listening to songs and picking which ones to record first.”

“When Taylor sat down in December 2007 to start planning her sophomore album, she knew she had a tough act to follow — her self-titled debut had just been certified double platinum. “Pressure is one of my favorite things in the world,” Taylor told the Tennessean. “When I heard before my second album, ‘Is she going to experience a sophomore slump?’ it made me more motivated to make sure that didn’t happen. ‘Is she going to keep this fan base?’ ‘Is this thing going to run off the tracks?’ Those things motivate me. My gut instinct has worked so far, and I’m not going to mess with that.””

December 10, 2007: Taylor is in the studio to record Change and Breathe. Taylor Swift goes double platinum. Our Song reaches No. 1. It's her first song to do so.

December 13, 2007: Taylor turns 18. Footage from her birthday party will be later turned in the Beautiful Eyes music video.

[From MySpace] “I had an amazing time at my party. I wore a hot pink dress. Pictures soon! The party was a blast.. My favorite thing about it was this photo booth. All of us were taking pictures in there the whole night. We had tarot card readers and palm readers and all kinds of fun stuff to do. I’ve never really had a big birthday party before, so it was amazing to get that chance! My record label surprised me with this HUGE pink truck!! They’re so sweet to me, and I’ve always wanted a truck.”

Around this time, an alternate version of Christmases When You Were Mine is released thorough Entertainment Weekly.

December 23, 2007: [From MySpace] “We’ve got six songs recorded already, and they sound amazing. I’ve been in the studio with Nathan (my producer. Same guy who produced my first record! But this time we’re co-producing) all month and it’s been so much fun.”

December 27, 2007: The Mirror tracklisting is released through a photoshoot with People Magazine:

Permanent Marker

Tell Me Why

I'd Lie

Fearless

Dark Blue Tennessee

Sparks Fly

The One Thing.

Lyrics to I'm Looking Out For You are also photographed. This song is speculated to be about Gracie Johnson, a friend of Taylor's who was battling cancer. Gracie can be heard at the beginning of the Beautiful Eyes Video and seen in the first picture in the Love Story (Taylor's Version) Lyric Video. She passed away in October 2019.

“Bye Bye Baby [previously known as The One Thing] is a song that I wrote with Liz Rose and it was just one of those ones that it would always get stuck in my head, just the idea that you're facing disappointment when it comes to somebody that you really cared about, and kind of that grand letdown that happens when you're growing up and you're learning to trust people and trying to learn about love and everything and kind of realizing that you have to let go.”

Somewhere in 2007: Taylor writes The Way I Loved You with John Rich and SuperStar with Liz Rose.

[About The Way I Loved You] “I got this idea for a song about being in a relationship with a nice guy who is punctual and opens up the door for you and brings you flowers... but you feel nothing. The whole time you’re with him, you’re thinking about the guy who was complicated and messy and frustrating. So I brought that idea, the title and where I thought the song should go to John. He was able to relate to it because he is that complicated, frustrating messy guy in his relationships. We came at the song from different angles. It was just so cool to get in a room and write with him because he really is an incredible writer.”

John Rich is a Republican and spoke against Taylor in 2018 after Marsha Blackburn won, so this is probably all we'll ever know about their writing session.

There are two demos of Superstar, and on the worktape Taylor reveals that the superstar was born in Arkansas. Fans speculated that it's a reference to Joe Nichols, a famous country singer.

January 2008: Taylor records three more songs for Fearless.

[Taylor to Mix Online] The recording process on this album was spread out over the last year. We started recording last winter, and we did about three songs. About a month later, we did three more. 

This is a theory but I think that 3 out of the 6 songs mentioned in December were Breathe, Change (we have footage) and The Best Day (Taylor gave this song to Andrea as a Christmas gift). The other 3 were/are unreleased and that's why Taylor had to lower the number from 6 to 3 during the album press. They might've been The One Thing (now Bye Bye Baby), Permanent Marker and Sparks Fly, but that's just a personal theory. For the January songs, on January 17th, Taylor is interviewed by Blender Magazine, and the interviewer mentions listening to Change and Fifteen (and The Best Days Of Your Lives, the Kelly Picker co-write). The other two might've been Fearless and Tell Me Why.

January 28, 2008: Matt Jenkins opens for Taylor at the Tampa Bay Performing Arts Center. They write a song together called This One's Different. It was probably intended for Jenkins' debut album (which was never released) but I'll inlcude it anyway.

[Description of the song from the Inner Circle] The singer reflects back on how there can be really bad days and nights where it seems like everything goes wrong. But things can change for the better in a single moment when we meet the perfect person. The story in this song culminates in a romantic proposal and wedding. This song is unique because Taylor only sings background vocals and the story is told from the boy's perspective.

Video of Taylor and Matt explaining how she contacted him.

February 28, 2008: Love and Theft open Taylor's concert in Spartanburg, SC. This is likely the period when Taylor and Stephen Barker Liles met and Taylor wrote Hey Stephen.

“We were recording at John and Martina McBride’s studio [aka Blackbird Studios in Nashville] and he was like, ‘My kids are dying to meet you. Do you think that you could say hi to them?’ I said, ‘Sure, have them come and hang out while we’re recording.’ So his daughters and their friends from school – there were about ten of them there – they all came into the studio when we were recording “Hey Stephen” and they loved it. They were singing along with it by the end of it." The children ended up snapping their fingers on the song.”

March 2008: According to Nathan Chapman, Love Story was recorded in March. On March 8th, Taylor posts on MySpace: "The second album is coming along quite nicely. :-)", possibly referencing the latest recording session for Fearless.

[From Everyday is a Fairytale by Liv Spencer] “Taylor wrote this song lying on her bedroom floor in a mere 20 minutes and recorded a rough cut of the track in 15 minutes of studio time the next day.”

[Nathan Chapman to ProAudio] “The vocal was a tracking vocal — that's the vocal she cut live with the band," Chapman reveals. "The band was just acoustic guitar, bass and drums; everything else was overdubbed.”

Nathan is likely talking about these two demos: Love Story (4 min 8 sec / Acoustic in a Studio) Taylor went into the studio to record this demo shortly after writing it and you can hear Nathan (the producer) speaking during the recording; Love Story Justin Niebank Master Mix (3 min 58 sec / Studio) - As the music starts playing, Taylor clears her throat in preparation for singing. This album demo is more like a raw unmixed studio version. Sometimes Taylor's vocal is simply one take with no enhancements. At other times, harmonies are mixed in loudly or there are multiple Taylor vocals all singing together.

[Taylor on Rolling Stone, January 25, 2010] “Love Story wasn’t technically the last one, but it was very, very last minute.”

“This is a song I wrote when I was dating a guy who wasn't exactly the popular choice. His situation was a little complicated, but I didn't care. I started this song with the line "This love is difficult, but it's real." When I wrote the ending to this song, I felt like it was the ending every girl wants to go with her love story. It’s the ending that I want. You want a guy who doesn’t care what anyone thinks, what anyone says. He just says, “Marry me, Juliet, I love you, and that’s all I really know.” It’s sort of told in a character kind of thing, where it’s Romeo and Juliet, and it’s not me saying that I’m getting married or anything...but I think it’s fun to write about it.”

March 2008: Just days after writing Love Story, Taylor has a writing session with Craig Wiseman. She brings Love Story with her, asking if he wanted to finish it with her, but he refused. They end up writing another unknown song.

March 28, 2008: [Rollling Stone Interview] “I’ve recorded six songs, including one that I wrote with Colbie Caillat, that she’s going to throw some harmonies on, which I can’t even wait to hear. And I’m going in to record six more this week and then we have another session scheduled for summertime. We’re really trying to just cut a bunch of stuff and put whatever is best on the album.”

May 10, 2008: Banjo Ben Clark, the banjo player who has been touring with Taylor since 2006, reveals that he had recently played some banjo on new Taylor songs. Through an email exchange with him, I was able to confirm that he played on a Fearless song of which the production was changed and the banjo track discarded. Mr. Clark was not able to confirm which song this was.

Early June 2008: Taylor records Crazier and White Horse.

“I actually wasn’t going to put [White Horse] on the album. I was going to wait for the third album because I really felt like we had the “sadness” represented on this record. Then my agency out in LA set up a meeting with executive producers Betsy Beers and Shonda Rhimes at Grey’s Anatomy because that’s my favorite show. It would just be a dream come true to have a song on it. So, I played them “White Horse.” It was just me and my guitar and they freaked out. They loved it. They said, “We’ll get back to you as soon as possible.” For a while, we didn’t know if we were going to put it on the record because if it wasn’t going to be on the show, then we weren’t going to put it on the album. Then they called and said they were very interested in the song. We recorded it right away, sent it off to them, and they put it in!”

“White Horse is about what, in my opinion, is the most heart-breaking part of a break-up – that moment when you realize that all the dreams you had, all those visions you had of being with this person, all that disappears. Everything after that moment is moving on.. But that initial moment of "Wow, it's over" is what I wrote White Horse about.”

(About Crazier) [Billboard Interview, March 2008] “There are songs that I wrote when I was 13 that I think are perfect to bring out now. I didn’t get a chance to put ’em on the record the first time around. There’s so much stuff that I’m gonna to pull from the back drawer and then there’s some stuff that I will write today and cut tomorrow.”

“I wrote the song ‘Crazier’ when I was thirteen, and so this song is really a reflection of what I thought love was supposed to be. And, you know, sometimes you write a love song about what you hope will find you, and what you hope you’ll find someday, not about what you’re actually going through. I wrote the song in hopes that possibly it would be in the movie, but I never thought that it would be such a big, prominent song. It’s absolutely one of the most exciting things. The song is playing when the main characters in the movie, Miley and Billy Ray, are both falling in love, with that song as a background. It’s really cool to have that kind of a part in the movie.”

[Co-writer Robert Ellis Orrall on Crazier] “Disney called her up and said, 'We need a fiddle waltz song for Hannah Montana the Movie, we would love for you to sing it. She had one, so she sent it to them.”

Speculation:

I'm pretty confident that the songs written at 13 which she considered to release were Crazier and R-E-V-E-N-G-E.

I'm not entirely sure it was June, but Crazier, White Horse and Beautiful Eyes were mastered together, so I'm gonna assume that they were done in the period between her cameo in Hannah Montana and the release of the Beautiful Eyes EP. Grey's Anatomy was in post-production in that period, so that checks out.

June 9, 2008: Taylor shoots her cameo in Hannah Montana.

July 15, 2008: Beautiful Eyes is released.

[From MySpace] “I’m only letting my record company make a small amount of these - the last thing I want any of you to think is that we are putting out too many releases. I’m not going to be doing a bunch of promotion for it, because I don’t want there to be confusion about whether it’s the second album or not.”

Beautiful Eyes was written by April 20, 2004 and recorded on August 9, 2004 and it was produced by Orrall. The song released is actually the exact same demo, not even remixed, just mastered. [Source: Bob Orrall's Instagram]

I Heart? was written in early 2004 and the demo recorded in June 2004. The released version, available for download if you bought her Debut album the first week at Best Buy, was recorded on November 3, 2005 (instrumentals) and on November 4, 2005 (vocals). Both versions are produced by Bob Orrall.

FAQ: What's the difference between mixing and mastering?

July 2008 - A Sunday: Taylor and Liz Rose write You Belong With Me.

“I came into the writing session with Liz Rose and said: “I’ve got this idea. I had overheard a friend of mine talking to his girlfriend and he was completely on the defensive saying, “No, baby...I had to get off the phone really quickly...I tried to call you right back...Of course I love you. More than anything! Baby, I’m so sorry.” She was just yelling at him! I felt so bad for him at that moment. So I came up with the first line “You’re on the phone with your girlfriend, she’s upset, going off about something that you said,” and I ran that into the story line that I’m in love with him and he should be with me instead of her. It just became this whole picture. It was really fun for us to write the line, “She wears short skirts, I wear T-shirts.””

[Liz Rose Interview] “Taylor said, ‘I’m finishing the record on Monday. Let’s write an uptempo song.’ We wrote ‘You Belong With Me’ in one or two hours. It’s amazing to go back to the work tape and listen to it, because you wouldn’t believe the nuances that show up in the album version, too. When she’s writing something, she’s already producing in her head. She hears it all.”

[Liz Rose - BMI Conference] With "You Belong With Me" she called me on a Friday I think, and said, "Hey, I'm finishing the record and I need another song. Can you write on Sunday?" [...] When I hear the worktape I hear the production, the stop and the clap, she was hearing all that when we were writing it. And then she called and said, "We cut it, it's amazing!" And I was like, "We just wrote it? That's cool, ok!"

Description of the worktape: You Belong With Me (3 min 7 sec / Acoustic)- Provides an incredible window into the songwriting process which went into this future hit song. Taylor clears her voice and then unleashes her acoustic guitar as she sings along with great feeling. There are some unique lyrics on this demo including an entirely different bridge. Simply stunning.

July 2008 - A Monday: During the summer sessions mention on Rolling Stone, Taylor records You Belong With Me and other 4 songs.

[Nathan Chapman Interview] We moved a little quick sometimes - most of You Belong With Me took two hours and a half. We started at 10AM and we were done by 12:30. I said, "Hey, let's go to lunch", but on the way back, one of the guys from the label said, "Hey, it's not cool to take that much time for one song". So we did four songs that afternoon. And then her management called and said, "You really wore her out today, can you go easier on her tomorrow?"

July 29, 2008: First live perfomance of Untouchable from the Live from Clear Channel Stripped 2008.

IMPORTANT NOTE: Live from Clear Channel Stripped 2008 is the album which was released without Taylor's approval in April 2020. Before the "official" Big Machine release, these songs were on the Target YouTube channel. YouTube channel EAS Music Official waited until Taylor regained possessions of Fearless before uploading a 4K remastered version of Love Story from this live. Both videos are ethical-sourced.

July 31, 2008: Taylor shoots the Fearless photoshoot. (I got this date from an insider)

August 5 and 6, 2008: Shooting of the Love Story music video at the Cumberland University and Castle Gwynn in Arrington, Tennessee.

August 8, 2008: Change is released. Brian Mansfield, a journalist who has followed Taylor since the beginning of her career, reveals some song titles:

Swift, 18, hasn't finalized the new disc's track list, but other likely songs include Hey Stephen, You're Not Sorry, Fifteen, You Belong With Me, Change, Tell Me Why, The Best Day and Breathe, written and sung with Colbie Caillat.

August 15, 2008: Week of the Jonas Brothers 3D Movie shooting where Taylor performs Should've Said No; Should've Said No reaches No. 1; Fearless is announced for November.

August 30, 2008: [From MySpace] “So now is the time for planning. In 73 days, November 11th will be here and so will the release date of my new album. And so right now I’m in the middle of writing my ‘thank you’ section and thinking about track listing order (wondering “What song should go first..? Or last? How do you get the perfect flow of an album? What IS the "flow” of an album? Hmmm..“). And I’m also thinking about the secret codes to put into the lyrics. [...] This next record is on my mind 24/7, all the time. It never stops. I’m always either listening to a new mix of a song or scanning through pictures to make sure we’ve chosen the right ones, or wondering which songs you guys are going to like the best. I’m just so obsessed with it right now, all the planning. And sometimes I just have to sit back and remind myself that 73 days is not going to be here any sooner if I obsess. It’s still going to be 73 days away.”

Somewhere between July and August 2008: Taylor writes Jump Then Fall and Today Was A Fairytale.

[About Jump The Fall] It’s probably the happiest, bounciest, most fun song to drive down the street listening to. It's one of my favorites on the Platinum Edition. It's just really fun and happy and takes me back to a good place.

September 1, 2008: The first Fearless tracklist is released. Originally, Change was the first song The Way I Loved You wasn't included. Forever & Always was also missing, as Taylor hadn't written it yet.

01 - Change 02 - Fearless 03 - Fifteen 04 - Love Story 05 - Hey Stephen 06 - White Horse 07 - You Belong With Me 08 - Breathe 09 - Tell Me Why 10 - You're Not Sorry 11 - The Best Day

September 12, 2008: The lead single Love Story is released.

[From MySpace] “A lot of people have been asking me what inspired this song.. I think the line that sums up what that song is about is “This love is difficult, but it’s real.” It just means that sometimes you have to fight for love, but sometimes it’s worth fighting for. Like with Romeo and Juliet. Except without the death. :) To me, the song isn’t really about living in a castle and having met your true love at a royal ball. It’s simpler than that. It’s about love being worth it. The hard times, the things that keep you apart, the times when you question it.. I would really like to think that the right love is worth the energy we put into it. So that’s what this song is about. Love and Romeo, and how we fight for those things that we can’t be without. In 1789 or in 2008. Whether you’re 16 or 60.”

Taylor will call the guy who inspired Love Story “a creep” in a 2011 interview.

September 16, 2008: The second Fearless tracklist is released.

01. Fearless 02. Fifteen 03. Love Story 04. Forever & Always 05. Hey Stephen 06. White Horse 07. You Belong With Me 08. Breathe 09. You're Not Sorry 10. Tell Me Why 11. That's The Way I Loved You 12. The Best Day 13. Change

September 18, 2008: The Jonas Brothers are filming their music video Lovebug. Joe meets Camilla Belle there.

September 22 or 23, 2008: While in the studio, Taylor writes and records Forever & Always, a last-addiction to Fearless.

[From MySpace] [...] And I recorded a new song the other day for Fearless. I think it’s fun to put yourself under crazy pressure to finish a song by a certain deadline. That’s what I did with this last song. And that makes 13 songs on the new album. 13….. I think that’s a good number of songs to end up with….<3

“Forever & Always is about when I was in a relationship with someone and I was just watching him slowly slip away. I didn't know why, because I wasn't doing anything different. I didn't do anything wrong. He was just fading. It’s about the confusion and frustration of wondering why? What changed? When did it change? What did I do wrong? In this case, the guy I wrote it about ended up breaking up with me for another girl. Guess I know why he was fading.”

[Taylor to Mix Online] The recording process on this album was spread out over the last year. We started recording last winter, and we did about three songs. About a month later, we did three more. Two weeks before the album had to be turned in and mastered, after all the other songs were finished, I wrote a new song and also decided that I wanted to put another song [The Way I Loved You] that we already recorded onto the album, making 13 tracks instead of 11. I went to the label and said, “Is there any way we could get an emergency recording session? I need to record this new song.” And [laughs] my record label president took a deep breath and said, “Yes, I guess you can do that.”

September 26, 2008: White Horse is premeried on Grey's Anatomy.

September 30, 2008: [From MySpace] “So this week, we’re in “final approval mode” for the album. You know, all the emails that say in the subject lines “Fearless album booklet: FINAL APPROVAL” or “CD design: FINAL APPROVAL”. So I’m doing a lot of approving. And then they send it to the magical CD maker people and they make all the CDs just in time for November 11. Actually, it’s called the distribution branch, but I prefer “the magical CD maker people”.”

Somewhere during the last two weeks of September: Drama Queen, co-written with Martin Johnson is written and recorded. It will be mastered along the rest of the Fearless songs and another re-recording of R-E-V-E-N-G-E (not the one leaked). Since the song was mastered, it's considered an outtake and not a demo.

Fun fact: Along with I'd Lie, Drama Queen and R-E-V-E-N-G-E are the only three unreleased songs to have been mastered.

IMPORTANT PERSONAL NOTE: I know that a lot of people think that Drama Queen is exclusively a Speak Now cut, but this is not my opinion, but what the master engineer (Hank Williams) and Big Machine officially declared. Feel free to not believe them though. It's totally possible it was considered for Fearless Platinum or for Speak Now (and I believe it was) but cut in favour of Better Than Revenge, but it doesn't change the fact that it's also a Fearless cut. If you really have proof that Big Machine falsified documents, call them out, don't waste time coming after me, I just copy-past stuff. They're already considered liars anyway.

October 2, 2008: An interview with Rolling Stone is published, where she says: “I just wrote songs about what I like to write about, which is boys,” she says. Working again with producer Nathan Chapman, Swift spent nearly eight months in Nashville studios recording 50-plus new songs, from which she picked Fearless‘ 13 tracks.” It's unclear whether whether 50 songs were actually fully recorded or if they were just considered.

October 14, 2008: Through Countdown to Fearless, an exclusive campaign by the iTunes Store, Fearless is released as a promotional single.

October 28, 2008: You're Not Sorry is released as a promotional single through ITunes. The physical copies are also completed.

[From MySpace] Just letting everyone know that my new song “You’re Not Sorry” comes out on iTunes tonight at midnight, so check it out! I stopped by the label today and held the actual CD in my hands… It’s finished. It’s ready to go. TWO WEEKS! Let me know what you think of the new song!

November 4, 2008: You Belong With Me is released as a promotional single through ITunes.

November 11, 2008: Fearless is finally released.

March 19, 2009 (not confirmed): [From MySpace] “I've been in the studio all day (I know, I know.. We JUST put out a new album. I think I have a problem, I cannot stop writing songs.)”. The song is possibly Mr. Perfectly Fine.

[Alexa Skill for Taylor's Version] “Mr Perfectly Fine was definitely an early indicator of me sort of creeping towards a pop sensibility. I've always listened to every type of music and even though Fearless is a country album, there were always these pop melodies creeping in. But I really love this song and, I love the bridge, I think the lyrics are just wonderfully scathing and full of the teen angst that you would hope to hear on an album that I wrote when I was 17 or 18 or you know on that cusp.”

April 23, 2009: The Fearless Tour starts in Evansville, Indiana.

October 26, 2009: Fearless Platinum Edition is released.

The six new songs on the Fearless [Platinum Edition] are songs that I either recorded and wrote really recently, wrote maybe a year ago and almost put on Fearless but decided not to for one reason or another, or a songs that I wrote when I was 14/15 and re-recorded recently. It's a good mixture of songs from different time periods throughout my life. When I make an album, I always have a general theme for it. And when I hear songs, or go back and listen to old ones, there are some that I know fit in with the theme.

Check out my Spreadsheet with all the writing and recording dates.

Follow my playlist 'Fearless in Chronological Order'.

Go to my Writing of Speak Now Timeline

Go to my Writing of Red Timeline

Other Sources used:

U.S. Copyright Office;

Mastering Archive Website;

Sony/ATV Catalogue;

Fearlyssa/Rare TS Songs Website;

Alexa Skills from Fearless TV (audio courtesy of u/emmafan3070, transcripts by me);

Big Machine Interviews Archive;

Taylor's Concert History;

TS MySpace Archive on Tumblr

Last but certainly not least, the king of Taylor's timeline: Robert Ellis Orrall.

[constellationsanddaydreams]

Rereading my own fic from like 5 years ago and surprisingly not pulling my hair out from cringe. There's a few mistakes but that's what happens when an EIGHTH GRADER decides writing 2600 words EVERY WEEK is a sustainable goal

[vote-democrat-president-congress]

Washington Post: "What Trump did in advance of the attack on the Capitol and on Jan. 6, 2021, legally disqualifies him from the presidency."

Section 3 of the 14th Amendment. The section disqualifies from office those who took an oath to support the Constitution and then engaged “in insurrection or rebellion against the same” or gave “aid or comfort to the enemies thereof.”

When a narrowly divided Colorado Supreme Court threw Trump off the state’s primary ballot in December on the basis of Section 3’s plain language, my initial reaction was, well, political — and skeptical.

Though I agreed that Trump had, indeed, engaged in insurrection, I thought it would be best for the country to have him go down to defeat again in a free and fair election. Keeping him on the ballot so voters could decide was the path to long-term institutional stability and might finally force a reckoning in the Republican Party.

Many people I respect continue to hold versions of this view. But the more I read and listened, the clearer it became that Section 3 was directed against precisely the conduct Trump engaged in. Its purpose is to protect the republic from those who would shred the Constitution and destroy our system of self-government. What Trump did in advance of the attack on the Capitol and on Jan. 6, 2021, legally disqualifies him from the presidency.

The record is clear that the legislators who wrote and enacted the amendment in the wake of the Civil War were not just thinking of the Confederacy’s leaders but also of “the leaders of any rebellion hereafter to come.”

Those are the words of John B. Henderson, a Republican senator from Missouri, when he cast his vote for the amendment in 1866. They are recorded in a powerful amicus brief filed with the Supreme Court by a distinguished group of historians of the era: Jill Lepore, David Blight, Drew Gilpin Faust and John Fabian Witt.

https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/2024/02/04/trump-ballot-disqualified-14th-amendment/

[darkbluekies]

The origin of the ocs

Silas Achilleos:

I have always loved to write and read mafia fics. I wrote them before I wrote fanfiction, during fanfiction and now. When I created this account, I wanted a mafia man who's main characteristic was that he was kinky. I didn't like the ones I had read about that bent their partner over their lap for every little thing and that their entire relationship was built on sex. I wanted someone that felt human. So i made him in November 2022.

Silas name comes from a store I used to walk by all the time. I have no recollection of knowing about the name before I saw that store, so unconsiously the name must have come from there. I liked it because it was a name I hadn't been familiar with and I could "mold" the name to whatever I wanted, i had no connection to a certain person. I could make my own. His surname, Achilleos, was chosen because it reminded me of the character "achilles" and how he was untouchable besides one part of his body. Like this, i wanted darling to be Silas "achilles heel".

Silas personality comes from my want of something different. I wanted some humor, some drama, some weak spot. I made him childish, hypocritical, emotional. I didn't want him to be 2d.

Dr Karl Kry:

I have always loved the atmosphere of hospitals. I don't know why. They almost give me "backroom" vibes. I thought that it could be interesting to try to write about a doctor even though I have no medical knowledge. I have always loved to write characters that are weak and dependent on someone, which would work perfectly if I created a doctor. I created him in December 2022.

Dr Karl Kry's name comes from swedish. "Karl" means "man" and "Kry" means the opposite of being sick (not sure if english has the exact word). I thought that it could be fun if a doctor had that surname because only swedes/nordics would be able to get that little joke.

His personality is a bit of a mixture between the sterotypical swede and an opposite to what you think a doctor should be like. He's cold, quiet, doesn't like touch and is very modest while still being very professional and "sweet". He is quite old fashioned and carries traits that were normal then.

King Edmund of Vesanus

He wasn't supposed to be a character. I had gotten inspired to write the "Masquarade massacre/dance with death" oneshot because of a music video i used to watch when i was a kid (Eric Saade: Masquarade) and i wrote the oneshot in January 2023. It quickly became my most liked story so I decided to add him to the characters.

Edmund's name was originally Edward, but I have a character in one of my private novels with the same name and I thought that it would be weird for me if I named them the same thing. I decided to use a similar name and I decided upon Edmund. It sounded like it could belong to a royal. His kingdom "Vesanus" is in latin and means "mad/insane/frenzied" and I thoght that fit him extremely well.

His personality comes from the stereotypical spoiled king imagine, but I also wanted to make him ... human? He is a teenage boy who doesn't know who he is and only knows that he is the crown. He is lost and I think that shows. Edmund is ignorant, spoiled, rude and yet teasing, humorous, childish and caring.

Jerry (Yubin) Kim:

My first girl. She was created as a side character in a kpop mafia fanfiction i wrote back in 2020 and then reaccured in another kpop mafia fanfiction i wrote in 2021, although she was not a yandere back then. I loved her character and knew that I had to add her here.

Her name is special, to me. I don't remember why I named her Jerry, all I know is that I wanted a male name for a girl, and Jerry is a boy name that also feel like a girls name. That is the name she goes by, but her birth name is Yubin, although she doesn't go by that anymore. Her surname is a popular surname in korean, so that doesn't have much behind it.

Her personality is a rollercoaster. When I created her back in 2020, she was a bit different to what she is now. She was much happier, joked a lot, didn't have much darkness in her. She was pretty flat. Now that she's here, she has evolved into a much more human like character, much more rounded. She is a pretender. She feels one thing but pretends to feel different. All her joking persona isn't all real, she is pretty emotional. Jerry has many layers and many emotions she can't understand, she feels a lot of guilt, fear, love and hate, but presents a careless, joking girl to everyone else.

Hedwig Carter:

Hedwig is a character that was evolved from another character I was writing. In the beginning of this account, i tried out different kinds of characters to find the ones I wanted. I was writing a "quiet kid" yandere oneshot because I wanted this typical yandere setting, aka being in school. But I didn't like the character, I already had men (kry and silas) and I wanted it to feel like yandere simulator, so I scrapped that oneshot and created a girl. She wasn't supposed to be rich, but I decided to add it to have more to work with. I created her out on an evening walk in January 2023.

I don't like when characters who are supposed to be "normal" have "non-normal" names. I cannot imagine a girl who goes to school like everyone else having a name like "elowen", "amethyst" etc. i want the name to fit the situation and feel natural. Hedwig is one of those names. It feels wealthy, yet natural. It is distinctive, yet normal. The name Carter came to me when playing the game "titanic adventure out of time" when you have to go down to the cargo and the steward are like "YOURE A CARTER!!!" because the Carters owned the car that was on board the ship and a car in 1912 was expensive and etc. The name just stuck with me and felt like old money wealth, which she is.

Hedwig's personality is meant to be the opposite to Jerry, but they are quite alike too. Hedwig is sweet, innocent and loving. She doesn't like being mean. I wanted a rich popular girl that wasn't rude, entitled or a mean girl. Hedwig has a hard time controlling her emotions and can easily become "hysteric". I wanted an opposite to what's usually done - the rich popular girl is the one obsessed with someone instead of the other way around.

[reilemon]

⋆𐙚₊˚⊹♡ 2024 fics in review ⋆𐙚₊˚⊹♡

♡ thank you @rose-tinted-kalopsia for tagging me - you can view her post here ♡ i'm tagging @acciotaitlynn @nanamiscocksleeve @hesperisms @poisonf0rest + any writer who wants to join. and no pressure ofc 💕

Total number of fics: 16 Total word count: just under 82k

Chronological Breakdown:

April - ❄Cool Off * ✩Under The Stars May - ଳLove Don't Be Shy * ✩Xavier, Xavier, Xavier * ଳIridescent Scales June - ✩Passion Star Martini July - ✩My Everything August - ♪Ambrosia October - ❄Tight Spot * ଳBeneath The Abyss * ✩Velvet Night * ♪Possession * ❄Beneath The Collar * ❄ଳAmore Immortale♪✩ December - ♪Surrender❄ * ♪Return To You

Overall Thoughts:

Looking back, did you write more fic than you thought you would this year, less, or about what you’d predicted?

I didn't expect to write at all! I wrote some fics back in 2020 and 2021. After deleting them, I thought my writing days were over. But, Love and Deepspace resuscitated my love for writing.

What pairing/genre/fandom did you write that you would never have predicted in January? 

Obviously, didn't expect to get attached to Love and Deepspace so much!

What’s your own favorite story of the year?

Beneath The Collar 

Did you take any writing risks this year?

Writing Amore Immortale has my braincells working overtime, since it's supposed to be a slow burn that leads to polyamory.

Do you have any fanfic or profic goals for the new year? 

To finish, or at least to be close to finishing Amore Immortale.

From my past year of writing, what was…

My best story of this year:

Beneath The Collar

My most popular story of this year: 

Cool Off (2.8k notes) - i still don't understand why 😅 it's my very first fic for this fandom, and also the first fic after not writing smut for like three years. Ofc I'm grateful that people like it, but I cringe every time I remember the setting lol.

Story of mine most under-appreciated by the universe, in my opinion:

Beneath The Collar. Honestly, I expected it to be the most popular or at least second most popular during Kinktober. But the people who did like it were very invested in the story, so that makes me happy. And @gattapotatta made this beautiful artwork inspired by it.

Most fun story to write:

Amore Immortale. That one is the balm for my soul.

Story with the single sexiest moment:

I have no idea omfg

Most “holy crap, that’s wrong, even for you” story:

I think that everything I wrote was pretty tame. But I guess personal sacrilege in Beneath The Collar can be considered wrong lol. And some people were apparently taken aback by the dvp moment in Surrender.

Story that shifted my own perceptions of the characters:

None.

Hardest story to write:

Possession. I'm currently working on the sequel, and it continues to be the bane of my existence.

Biggest disappointment:

Xavier, Xavier, Xavier. For me, it's so bland, I almost didn't post it. Also, Tight Spot - Zayne is a little ooc there.

Biggest surprise:

Not to copy Roxie, but I'm so surprised by the love everyone has shown my fics! Without your support I'd probably just stop writing again.

Most unintentionally telling story:

There's the reoccurring theme in my fics where the Reader has run away to start a new life. 🤨

Highlights + Wrap-up:

I don't have that many fics to have 5 favorite opening, and closing lines. Or 5 favorite lines from anywhere. So I'll just write some randomly -

"Poor little bunny." - opening line in Amore Immortale, ch. 1.

He’s just a man now—just Zayne. - line from Beneath The Collar

Fic-writing goals for 2025: 

Write more fluffy smut and more unhinged smut.

[from-izzy]

[03:10] | the boyz kim sunwoo

Sunwoo hums to acknowledge your thoughts. "Let's try again, okay? Together this time."

​PAIRING » tbz kim sunwoo x gn!reader (fast proofread once! lmk if i missed anything!)​ TROPE/AU » ​established relationship au!, non-idol au! GENRE​ » hurt/comfort at night (morning), fluffy fluff fluff, a sprinkle of angst, sunwoo being your understanding and patient boyfriend, sunwoo tucks your hair behind your ears (i find this so so so cute), big spoon sunwoo who protects you from the world, sunwoo tries to steal your (his) clothes because he's staying the night over and can't fit in yours WORD COUNT » 1836 ESTIMATED READING TIME » ~7 mins WARNINGS (lmk if i missed anything!) » reader has trouble sleeping, reader has a history of taking prescribed melatonin, mentions of unsupportive family, reader has medium to long hair, sunwoo is physically bigger and taller

navi/masterlist!! 🤍 part of 'especially to you...'

thank you for reading and helping with genres/warnings @sohnric !!

something that i wrote up back late december 2023 but only releasing today because it marks day 100 since i had my last melatonin pill. taking melatonin pills everyday since 2021 has had a toll on my body and i see the effects that it has on my body even more after stopping. with it, my body clock somewhat matches the time frame that society 'accepts'. without it, the birds chirp first and even though sleeping at 5-6am is exhausting, i tell myself to keep pushing on.

for another note, this story is not written to influence the audience into thinking that taking medication is bad! please take your medication properly and on time! do not be influenced and swayed by society for your health!

please always stay healthy and i'm rooting for you! hang in there! you can do this!!

You didn't need to look at the clock to know what time it was at night—or should you say at this point, day. 

You were thankful that Sunwoo wasn't asleep yet or on a call with his friends when you sent him a message, asking if he was able to come over. You debated even texting him at first, seeing that it was past midnight but you remember the time he bent down to look at you at eye level, hugging your lips with his before pulling away and telling you to always send him a message if you ever needed him at any time and anywhere.

At that point, all your worries washed away as it was the exact words that you needed to hear from your loving boyfriend.

As soon as Sunwoo read and replied to your message, it took him less than ten minutes to appear on the other side of your window—but it took you a second quicker than him to open the said window before he could knock on its frame as all you did after you turned off your phone was put your arms around your legs, resting your chin on your raised knees and watch the mocking moon in the sky.

It was so high on a cloudless night that your stomach churned with anxiety and the truth that time waits for none kicks you in the gut devastatingly. The physical time tells society to sleep and wake up because that's the universal time to keep the world going. The long hand ticks in your head while the short one follows bit by bit—like a bomb that explodes when everyone greets you a ‘goodnight’. Your body has always run at a different time and even though the moon gives so much light and comfort to the night for some, it only serves as a grim reminder for you that your seven o'clock alarm will ring in less than four hours. 

It's heartbreaking to realise your perception of the ray of light in the black night that you used to be excited for has changed as you grew older.

"Hey..." Sunwoo keeps you close to his body as soon as he jumps inside your room. One hand holds the back of your head gently, the other wrapping around your waist. He dips his head down to press a kiss to your forehead, a little smile against your skin on his soft lips, "You're okay. It'll be okay."

"I can't fall asleep, Woo..." Your hand harshly grips the leather material of his jacket at the sides of his body and the shape of your nails is most probably imprinted on his daily outwear by the number of times you've done this.

Sunwoo hums to acknowledge your thoughts. "Let's try again, okay? Together this time." His fingers that run through your hair leave you slightly breathless and you try to focus on his careful and slow action towards you, successfully easing your racing thoughts. "I'm here now, bubs."

The smile on his face grew when you nodded against his chest, still burying your face into his chest and to breath in his comforting scent that always seemed to calm your whole body. Delighted and relieved at your response, Sunwoo begins to sway his body from side to side, singing a gentle tune with his mellow singing voice that you love. He alternates between singing the romantic words straight to your ears and humming the words out as he presses multiple kisses on the parts of your face that he can reach.

"Were you sleeping when I messaged you?" You whisper guiltily to his chest.

"Don't worry about those little things." Sunwoo continued humming after. When he finishes singing the last note, your hands no longer hold onto his jacket for dear life, instead just leisurely around his waist. He pulls away just enough to finally face you in the limited light that your nightlamp gave. "Hi there, bubs."

The way Sunwoo says the pet name that you adore so much makes your heart break a little bit. You could tell at a glance that his eyelids were heavy, that he was probably trying to fight the yawn from his song and that his legs were probably trying their best not to fall asleep. Sunwoo quietly observes your trembling lips and he picks up the high possibility that you were most probably conflicted in your thoughts.

It still haunts you more than the moon outside; more than any horror movies or the amusement horror houses you’ve been in. Maybe it’s because, during all those situations, you had someone beside you. But it’s inevitable once again when your eyes won’t close that you think of the scene in the dining room. When that one artificial light hangs on the ceiling in the middle of the dining table, the square sides taken up by the other members of your family, you will never forget the disbelief and scoffs of disgust when you told them about the small white circle in the palm of your hand that your doctor prescribed.

"I'm so sorry. Maybe I should've just taken the medic—"

"Don't be like this to yourself." The moonlight behind your boyfriend highlights the tears that roll down your pale cheeks. Your heavy, shaky inhales are what prompts Sunwoo to bring yourself back to the present time. "I want to be here, okay? I want to take care of you." Your cold cheeks met the warmth of his palms, his thumbs brushing across the underside of your eyes to wipe your tears away while the rest tucked the lone strands of your hair behind your ears. "If you don't want to take the pills then you don't have to. Please don't be sorry for anything."

"But you're so tired..." It's a miracle that the sentence was comprehendable though it did break multiple times along the way.

He keeps his reassuring eye contact with you when he shakes his head, "You must be more tired than I am." 

You whimper at his thoughts, biting your bottom lip to keep your cries from growing any louder. Sunwoo shakes his head once more, resting his forehead on yours and whispering sweet nothings to you delicately. His thumb lands on the outline of your bottom lip before lightly pulling it down to free it from the pain you were inflicting on yourself. When your cries did break out from your lips, restrains fully gone, your boyfriend's kind heart completely breaks.

Sunwoo takes your breath away by giving you his own when he tilts your head slightly to meet his plump lips. He drinks all your sorrows, cupping your jawline to bring you closer, the sides of your nose brushing against each other. Your lips stop trembling, focusing on the love and patience that he gives you. Your hands unclasp from his back, moving to curl and envelop his wrists, resting the pads of your thumbs on his to feel his calming heartbeat. The muscles that made your eyebrows furrow relaxed with the way that Sunwoo held you so carefully in the now-broken, silent night.

Sunwoo learns from the number of times that you have called him in this situation that showing you gestures like these are the fastest and most effective way to ease your mind and ground yourself. His heart does little loops and jumps every time before he kisses you but he is more focused on making you feel better than anything. As much as it makes him happy to know that he's the only one who could give you the loving gesture, nothing beats the feeling of knowing that you will always feel better and be in a better state of mind afterwards.

The boy pulls away eventually, scanning your face to look for any discomfort. When he found none, his thumbs continued to brush over your skin for a little while more, trailing a series of kisses from your forehead, the shape of your nose, your eyelids that protect his favourite pair of eyes to your precious lips that his own would never get enough of.

"May need to borrow some clothes, bubs." An eyebrow raises from him and a teasing grin makes its way to his face, "Even though ‘borrow’ is a weird word as it’s mine in the first place." A chuckle fills your room melodically. "Will you lend me my clothes?"

"And if I say no?" You did a little nose scrunch, pouting after.

Sunwoo is not the strongest soldier, especially not to your cute actions that sent his heart beating erratically against his chest when your sparkling eyes met his. "Bubs, I'm not going to fit in your clothes. Even if I could, I don't think you would like it when you get it back all stretched."

"I have oversized too, you know."

"You mean my clothes that are oversized on you."

Your eyes smile at the short conversation and Sunwoo's heart feels full and content, relieved to see the beautiful sight that he has always wished you would have in long nights like these.

After Sunwoo changes, you both cover your bodies with your weighted duvet. Just like before, he holds you close to his body, resting an arm for you to lay on before bending it up to soothingly run his fingers across your scalp. You smile contently, hiding your face to his chest, pressing a kiss on his jawline.

"I'll be here when you wake up. I promise."

Just like every time as an act of 'goodbye' or 'goodnight', you relish the forehead kiss that goes on for slightly longer than all the other forehead kisses. After a date and a long day, you would always pout and beg for another one, not wanting to leave his side yet. But on nights like these, when his arms would spoon your figure and you would hug his other free arm, you wouldn't need to pucker your lips to him, knowing well that it's a 'goodnight' and not a 'goodbye'.

"I love you so much, bubs."

"I love you so much too." You push your body up a little bit, careful not to crush the arm beneath you and press a final kiss to his lips before trying to reset your body clock for another day. "Thank you for coming, Woo."

"Anytime and anywhere. Never forget that."

Sunwoo did fall asleep first but his presence with his little snores and the warm exhale from his lips comforted you greatly. Your head seems to agree with your heart because when your eyelids become heavy and sleep finally overtakes your body, you're glad that the last thing two things you see before drifting off to one of the best sleeps in your life, are the sight of your intertwined hands between your bodies and the thought that you're blessed to have Sunwoo who loves you so much and so dearly. 

Wrapped in patient love, the seven o’clock alarm didn’t seem scary to you anymore.

navi/masterlist!! 🤍 'especially to you...' tags (send a dm/ask if you would like to be here or removed!): @deoboyznet 📢❤️ @k-labels 💙🤍 @k-films 🤎🎞️ @kflixnet 📺🍿 @sanaxo-o

[tavolgisvist]

A Day in the Life

Q: Then the tricky one that the BBC banned – ‘A Day in the Life’. It’s been said that this is a sort of requiem to Tara Brown (the heir to the Guinness Trust, killed last December in a car crash in London). A: I’ve heard that. I don’t think John had that in mind at all. The real words to that are ‘Read the news today’. There’d been a story about a man who’d made the grade, and there’d been a photograph of him sitting in his car. John said ‘I had to laugh’. He’d sort of blown his mind out in the car. Q: Literally, with a gun? A: No, he was just high on whatever he uses, say he was pissed in this big Bentley, sitting at the traffic lights. He’s driving today; the chauffeur isn’t there, and maybe he got high because of that. The lights have changed and he hasn’t noticed that there’s a crowd of housewives and they’re all looking at him saying ‘Who’s that? I’ve seen him in the papers’ and they’re not sure if he’s from the House of Lords. He looks a bit like that with his homburg and white scarf and he’s out of his screws. That’s a bit of black comedy…

(Paul McCartney, November 1967, interview with Alan Aldridge for The Observer)

The verse about the politician blowing his mind out in a car we wrote together. It has been attributed to Tara Browne, the Guinness heir, which I don't believe is the case, certainly as we were writing it, I was not attributing it to Tara in my head. In John's head it might have been. In my head I was imagining a politician bombed out on drugs who'd stopped at some traffic lights and he didn't notice that the lights had changed. The "blew his mind" was purely a drug reference, nothing to do with a car crash. In actual fact I think I spent more time with Tara than John did. I'd taken Tara up to Liverpool. I was with Tara when I had the accident when I split my lip. We were really quite good friends and I introduced him to John. Anyway, if John said he was thinking of Tara, then he was, but in my mind it wasn't to do with that.

(Paul McCartney, 1997, Many Years from Now by Barry Miles)

I did once have an accident in Liverpool where I fell off a moped and busted my lip open, and we had to get the doctor round to my cousin Betty’s house. That was around this same time, when I was twenty-something and going out on the moped from my dad’s house to Betty’s house. I was taking a friend, Tara Guinness. He died later in a car accident. He was a nice boy. I wrote about him in ‘A Day in the Life’: ‘He blew his mind out in a car / He didn’t notice that the lights had changed’. Anyway, I was with Tara and had an accident – fell off my moped, busted my lip, went to Betty’s, and she said, ‘Get a doctor, get a doctor. It needs stitches.’

(Paul McCartney about Rocky Raccoon (!), The Lyrics, 2021)

[coochiequeens]

This is why I hate it when MRAs whine about the courts “favoring” the mothers

How the 'junk science' of parental alienation infiltrated American family courts and allowed accused child abusers to win custody of their kids.

This story was reported in partnership with the nonprofit newsroom Type Investigations.

In the summer of 2020, when he was 12, the boy told his therapist something he'd never told anyone else.

For years, Robert claimed, his stepdad had sexually abused him.

The therapist alerted the San Diego County child welfare agency, which launched an investigation. The county sheriff opened an inquiry, too. Thomas Winenger, the only father figure Robert had ever known, began assaulting him when he was only 7, Robert told a forensic social worker in October 2020. Winenger would pin him down, cover his mouth, and force him into acts he found "disgusting," he said. Sometimes, he said, Winenger recited Bible verses during the attacks, claiming the devil was in Robert's heart.

Robert, whom Insider is identifying by only his middle name, said that as he struggled to breathe, he fought back by hitting, punching, and kneeing his stepfather. But he said Winenger overpowered him.

By the time Robert came forward, Winenger had been named his legal father and was divorced from Robert's mother, Jill Montes, with whom he also shared two young daughters. Robert confronted Winenger with the allegations that November, and within weeks Winenger denied the claims in family court. "This NEVER HAPPENED," he asserted in a filing.

He offered an alternative explanation for Robert's disturbing claims, one that shifted the blame to Robert's mother.

Montes, Winenger contended, had engaged in a pattern of manipulation known as "parental alienation." Robert's accusations weren't evidence that he'd abused the boy, Winenger claimed. They were evidence that Montes had poisoned the children against him. The delayed timing of Robert's allegations, Winenger argued, only made them more suspicious. Montes was causing the children such grave psychological harm, he claimed in the filing, that the children should be transferred to his custody right away.

That December, Child Welfare Services substantiated Robert's allegations, calling them "credible, clear, and concise." But the family-court judge, Commissioner Patti Ratekin, withheld judgment until the following October, when the psychologist she'd appointed as a custody evaluator submitted his own report.

That report, which has been sealed by the court, appears to have convinced Ratekin that Winenger was correct.

“Ma'am, you didn't show very well in the report. You are toxic. You're poisonous. You're an alienator," Ratekin told Montes at a hearing on October 28, 2021. "I don't believe for a second" that Robert's father molested him. "Not for a second," she repeated. "I think you've put it in his head."

Ratekin acted swiftly, granting Winenger's bid for custody and ordering him to enroll Robert and his sisters in Family Bridges, a program that claims to help "alienated" children reconnect with a parent they've rejected. She barred Montes, a stay-at-home mom and home schooler, from all contact with her children for at least 90 days, a standard prerequisite for admission to the program.

"I just wanted to crumble," Montes said.

Rejected as a psychiatric disorder

Parental alienation is a fairly recent idea, conceived in the 1980s by a psychiatrist, Dr. Richard Gardner, who argued that divorcing mothers, desperate to win custody suits, were brainwashing children against their fathers. In "severe" cases, Gardner wrote, children with "parental alienation syndrome" must be removed from their mothers, transferred to the care of their fathers, and reeducated through what he called "threat therapy."

Alienation has never been accepted as a psychiatric disorder by the medical establishment. Yet today, mental-health practitioners across the United States assess and treat it, particularly those who specialize in custody cases. Many of them collaborate closely, attending the same conferences, following the same protocols, and citing the same papers. Some run reunification programs like Family Bridges; others offer family therapy or produce custody evaluations for family courts.

Influenced by these experts, many judges have given the unproven concept the force of law.

Though most custody cases settle out of court, in a small fraction parents don't come to terms. In some of these contested cases, one parent accuses the other of alienating the children. The most intense disputes arise in cases where one parent alleges spousal or child abuse and the other responds with a claim of alienation.

But alienation claims are highly gendered. Men level the accusation against women nearly six times as often as women level it against men, one study suggests. That landmark study, published in 2020, found that in cases when mothers alleged abuse and fathers responded by claiming alienation, the mothers stood a startlingly high chance of losing custody.

Occasionally, parents accused of alienation are cut off from their children altogether. Since 2000, judges have sent at least 600 children to reunification programs that recommend the temporary exile of the trusted parent, a collaborative investigation by Insider and Type Investigations revealed. While the programs suggest a "no-contact period" of 90 days, this term is routinely extended and may last years, according to an analysis of tens of thousands of pages of court papers and program records.

The treatment typically starts with a four-day workshop for children and the parent they've rejected; aftercare can add months or years. Children may be seized for the workshop by force, with no opportunity for goodbyes.

Former participants at Family Bridges and a similar program, Turning Points for Families, said they were taught that their memories were unreliable, the parent they preferred was harmful, and the parent they'd rejected was loving and safe. In some cases, participants who resisted these lessons said they were verbally threatened; at Family Bridges, a few were threatened with institutionalization. Some participants said they ended up depressed and suicidal.

Program officials say they are helping children. Lynn Steinberg, a therapist who runs a program called One Family at a Time, said in an interview that virtually all the kids she's enrolled have falsely accused a parent of abuse and that she does not accept children into her program whose abuse claims have been substantiated. Without treatment, she said, alienated children would risk being plagued by guilt, and the relationship they wrongly spurned might never heal.

In Steinberg's view, the only child abusers in the families she sees are the "alienators," who have "annihilated" a devoted parent from their children's lives.

Recently, alienation theory has faced rising criticism. Efforts to legitimize the diagnosis have been rebuffed by the American Psychiatric Association, the World Health Organization, and the American Professional Society on the Abuse of Children. And the reunification programs burst into public view last fall, when a video documented two terrified children in Santa Cruz, California, being seized for One Family at a Time. In the clip, which went viral on TikTok, a 15-year-old girl named Maya pleads and shrieks as she's picked up by the arms and legs and forced into a black SUV.

Since then, bills that would restrict reunification programs have been introduced in Sacramento and four other state capitols.

An idea takes off

When a law professor named Joan Meier founded a nonprofit to help victims of domestic violence two decades ago, she didn't expect to focus on custody disputes. But day after day, she heard from mothers with similar, troubling stories. They'd finally escaped their abusive marriages, but their exes had fought them for custody — and won. The mothers had been accused of something Meier knew little about: parental alienation.

Meier, who taught at George Washington University, ordered a stack of books by the child psychiatrist who coined the term.

Richard Gardner began writing about children of divorce in the 1970s, when a dramatic transformation was underway in family court. Under the "tender years presumption," judges had long favored women in divorce cases, typically assigning children to their mother's sole custody. But as more women entered the workforce, more men participated in child-rearing, and more couples divorced, a nascent "fathers' rights" movement emerged, demanding gender neutrality in custody proceedings. The idea appealed to many feminists, too. By the 1980s, most states had recognized joint custody in their statutes.

This left judges in a quandary when couples failed to settle. Now, aside from a vague mandate to advance the "best interest" of children, courts lacked a clear paradigm for resolving disputes. Overwhelmed, judges turned to mental-health professionals, asking them to assess each parent's fitness and recommend an optimal arrangement. Gardner, then an associate clinical professor of child psychiatry at Columbia University, was an early custody evaluator, and in 1982 he published a how-to manual.

By 1985, Gardner was arguing that some mothers, seeking to regain their advantage in court, were inducing a mental illness in their children, a condition he dubbed parental alienation syndrome. Children afflicted with the syndrome, he said, could be identified by the "campaign of denigration" they waged against their fathers, which was accompanied by "weak, frivolous, or absurd" rationalizations and a disquieting "lack of ambivalence."

Some "fanatic" mothers even manipulated children into claiming their fathers had sexually abused them, Gardner contended. When other maneuvers against a father fail, he wrote, "the sex-abuse accusation emerges as a final attempt to remove him entirely from the children's lives." Child sexual-abuse claims made during custody disputes, he claimed, "have a high likelihood of being false." To prove children are suggestible, he often invoked the wave of 1980s cases in which preschool teachers were charged with sexual abuse but later exonerated.

Gardner's theory sidestepped what Joan Meier saw as a glaring truth: Many children accused their fathers of abuse because their fathers were actually abusive. In fact, by the early 2000s a large-scale study had found that contrary to Gardner's writings, neither children nor mothers were likely to fabricate claims during custody disputes.

The remedies Gardner proposed for parental alienation syndrome were harsh. "Insight, tenderness, sympathy, empathy have no place in the treatment of PAS," he said in a 1998 address. "Here you need a therapist who is hard-nosed, who is comfortable with authoritarian, dictatorial procedures."

In a 2001 documentary, Gardner told a journalist how a mother might respond to a child reporting sexual abuse: "I don't believe you. I'm going to beat you for saying it. Don't you ever talk that way again about your father."

Juvenile detention could cure children who refused to visit their fathers, Gardner said. But the main remedy he advanced in severe cases was "the removal of the children from the mother's home and placement in the home of the father, the allegedly-hated parent." This would break what he called a "sick psychological bond."

After introducing his theory, Gardner began using it in expert testimony and promoting it to other evaluators and fathers'-rights activists. By the early 2000s, family-court judges were regularly citing parental alienation.

To address this, Meier said, she undertook a series of academic articles examining the scholarship on parental alienation. She found that the theory was based on circular reasoning and anchored almost entirely in anecdotal data.

"I still believed in that day that if you did careful, thoughtful analytic scholarship, people would read it and be persuaded by it," she said.

The scarlet 'A'

Jill Montes had always wanted a big family. In 2008, she already had a 5-year-old daughter, Paige, with a man she'd divorced, and she was finding regular work as an actor in Los Angeles. She decided to adopt an infant son, Robert.

The next year, she met Thomas Winenger, who had master's degrees in engineering and business, on eHarmony. "He wanted to talk a lot about faith and God, and that wooed me," she said. She also welcomed his interest in Robert, whom she was insecure about raising alone.

In 2011, the couple married and settled near San Diego, and Montes quit acting. Soon, she later said in a court filing, Winenger was shoving, insulting, and threatening her, often in front of the kids. He promised to change, and she hoped he could. In 2012, their first child, Claire, was born, and Eden followed in 2015. Insider is identifying Montes' children by only their middle names.

Later that year, Montes accused Winenger of dragging Paige across a room. Montes sought a restraining order, which was ultimately denied, and kicked him out. He rented a room in a house nearby, where he regularly hosted the three younger kids. Sometimes, Robert went there by himself.

Montes filed for divorce in February 2018. Under an informal agreement, the kids continued spending time at Winenger's place. But at a hearing that fall, a 10-year-old Robert testified that during an argument over his math homework, Winenger had repeatedly grabbed, shoved, and spanked him.

Montes filed a petition for a domestic-violence restraining order, which Winenger fought, saying he hadn't mistreated Robert. In the end, Ratekin, the judge presiding over the divorce, signed a "stay away" order prohibiting Winenger from contact with Robert. But it didn't address the allegation of violence. Weeks later, Winenger asked Ratekin to name him Robert's legal father, arguing that he'd helped raise the boy from toddlerhood. Ratekin ruled in his favor and ordered the custody evaluation.

In court papers he filed on July 19, 2019, the day after the evaluator was appointed, Winenger accused Montes of parental alienation.

Often, according to Meier, the dynamic of a custody case shifts radically once alienation is raised. "It's like the table turns 180 degrees and now the only bad parent in the room is the alleged alienator," she said. An abuse allegation "fades out of view," she said, and any attempts by the mother to limit the father's access are seen as suspicious. It's almost as if, like Hester Prynne in "The Scarlet Letter," she's been branded with a flaming red "A," Meier said.

Indeed, Montes soon lost ground in court.

In January 2020, Ratekin ordered Robert into the care of a therapist, Mitra Sarkhosh, who has since provided aftercare for at least one reunification program. Sarkhosh saw Robert and his father together about 20 times, charging $200 an hour. But by summer, she had halted the sessions, saying Robert's anger was "not improving."

In a report filed in court, Sarkhosh appeared to blame Montes. Living with her, Robert was "saturated with negativity about his father," she wrote. There may be a need for "new interventions." (Citing patient-confidentiality laws, Sarkhosh declined an interview request.)

Robert was relieved to be finished with Sarkhosh, Montes said. He started seeing a new therapist, and, during the first session, he told the therapist he'd been sexually abused.

On November 18, 2020, at the direction of the San Diego County Sheriff's Department, Robert called Winenger to try to elicit a confession. When that failed, the department paused its investigation, but the child welfare inquiry proceeded. On December 1, the California Health and Welfare Agency issued a report substantiating Robert's claims.

"The Agency is worried that if given the opportunity, Tom Winenger will sexually abuse [Robert] again," the report says.

Neither Winenger nor his divorce attorney, Tamatha Clemens, responded to requests for interviews or to a list of detailed questions. In a motion for custody he filed on December 8, 2020, Winenger argued that Robert's allegations had been "orchestrated" by Montes and that her alienation "will not stop until she is restrained by the court."

The welfare agency sent Ratekin its report on January 4, 2021, according to a cover sheet reviewed by Insider. But Ratekin was still awaiting the custody evaluation, which she'd assigned to a psychologist, Miguel Alvarez. In 2009, Alvarez coauthored a handbook for parents in custody disputes. While the manual spells out in detail how to prove an alienation claim, it offers no specific guidance on how to prove a claim of abuse.

According to the report, part of which Insider reviewed at a San Diego County courthouse, a personality test Alvarez administered suggested that Montes suffered from "extreme hyper-vigilance" and "persecutory fears." People with these traits, Alvarez wrote, "are often quick to anger and overreact to perceived or imagined threats."

Winenger's scores on the same test were "normal," Alvarez wrote, and his performance on psychosexual and polygraph tests was "inconsistent" with Robert's allegations of sexual abuse.

The 136-page evaluation cost Robert's parents more than $90,000, according to bills reviewed by Insider. Alvarez didn't respond to requests for comment.

Ratekin reviewed the evaluation just before the October 28, 2021 hearing. Alvarez's findings were "exactly" what she'd expected, she said. In her view, the situation called for immediate action.

She put Claire, 8, and Eden, 6, in their father's custody that day, and she sent Robert, 13, to stay with his football coach. That was for Winenger's protection, she said. Until Robert was "detoxified," she said, he'd be prone to false claims of abuse.

Ratekin suggested Family Bridges as a solution. She'd had "really good success" with the program in another case, she said, and she thought it would ease Robert's transition. Without it, the boy wouldn't "get better," she said, and his sisters stood to benefit, too.

Winenger agreed. Under an order Ratekin signed on January 3, 2022, the children would attend a Family Bridges workshop with their father from January 11 to 14 and then return to his home. Montes was barred from contact with the children for at least 90 more days. Ratekin also prohibited the children from communicating with their older sister, their maternal grandmother, and anyone else who might "interfere" with their healing.

Contact would resume at Ratekin's discretion, depending upon how well everyone was cooperating.

Insider and Type reviewed 35 cases from the past two decades in which judges removed children from their preferred parent and sent them to a reunification program. In most of these cases, the children had resisted court-ordered visits with their fathers, and judges had held mothers responsible. Many of the judges framed the no-contact period as salutary: Children would be freed from the overbearing influence of their mothers, and their mothers would be motivated to change.

A case from New Castle County, Delaware is typical.

In 2016, Judge Janell Ostroski transferred two brothers to their father's custody and ordered them into treatment at Turning Points for Families, a program in upstate New York run by a social worker, Linda Gottlieb. Both boys had told Ostroski that their father, Michael D., yelled at them frequently, court records show, though neither had alleged physical abuse. The 9-year-old, O., told Ostroski he felt unsafe at his dad's house. Ashton, 14, was refusing to go there. Insider is not using the family's full last name in order to protect O.'s identity.

Michael had pleaded guilty several years earlier to public intoxication and indecent exposure for an incident in a public park with Ashton. A court-ordered psychological evaluation found that he had alcohol dependence and narcissistic personality disorder "with antisocial features." In 2013, the state's child welfare agency found that he'd emotionally abused Ashton, then 10 years old. The report, including any denials Michael presented, is sealed. This history was all cited in court three years later, in a custody dispute between Michael and his ex-wife, Kelly D.

During that dispute, Michael accused Kelly of alienation, and a custody evaluator backed him up. The evaluator, a psychologist, determined that Michael had become "a more positively functional person" and that Kelly, a preschool teacher, was the problematic parent. Kelly "distorts the reality of events" and "conveys to others an inaccurate and menacing perception of Mr. [D.]," the psychologist wrote in a May 2016 report. (Michael did not respond to detailed requests for comment. Neither did the psychologist.)

In written rulings that barred Kelly from contact with both children, Ostroski said the boys were "well cared for" in Kelly's home but blamed her for Ashton's refusal to see Michael. "Mother has done nothing in the past year to promote the Father/son relationship," Ostroski wrote, adding, "the court is hopeful that, with the appropriate interventions, Mother can recognize her role in helping the children have a healthy relationship with their Father."

Insider and Type sent questions about parental alienation and its remedies to Ostroski, Ratekin, and 19 other judges who've ordered the programs. Only Ratekin responded, and she declined to speak about the Winenger case because it is still pending. Nor would she answer general questions. "I am definitely not an expert in this area," she wrote, "nor do I feel qualified to answer questions about the issue or programs." 

'A moratorium on the past'

In her January 2022 ruling, Ratekin authorized Winenger to hire a transport company to drive Robert and his sisters to the Family Bridges workshop, which would take place at a hotel a few hours outside San Diego. There, the children and Winenger met Randy Rand, who founded Family Bridges in the early 2000s, and a woman the children knew only as "Chris."

In 2009, Rand deactivated his psychology license after the California Board of Psychology found he'd committed professional violations including "dishonesty," "repeated negligent acts," and "gross negligence." Since then, he's accompanied at workshops by at least one other clinician. Rand isn't the only alienation expert to face sanctions from a state licensing board. Two other psychologists who've led Family Bridges workshops, Jane Shatz of California and Joann Murphey of Texas, have been sanctioned — Shatz after an allegation of negligence and Murphey after a finding that she failed to respond promptly to a subpoena. Both Alvarez, the custody evaluator in Robert's case, and Steinberg, who runs the program where a judge sent the girl in the viral TikTok, have been cited by California regulators for improper recordkeeping. Steinberg said her citation was the result of a series of meritless complaints by an "alienating parent."

Family Bridges workshops are held at hotels around the country and tend to cost parents more than $25,000, receipts show. In 2016, for example, one family from Seattle paid more than $27,000 to Family Bridges and another $3,500 to spend three nights at a Sheraton in Southern California. Since the children had opposed the intervention, a company was hired to transport them for an additional $8,300.

Once they arrive at Family Bridges, children quickly learn the rules, program documents show, including a policy called "a moratorium on the past." As Murphey, the Texas psychologist, testified in 2018, "There's no talking about 'You did this back when.'" Instead, she explained, "this is a new family, this is a new paradigm, we are starting off in a healthy way."

Ally Toyos was a 16-year-old in Kansas when she was taken from her mother five years ago. In an interview, she said she and her then 14-year-old sister tried defying the Family Bridges moratorium, telling Rand and his colleagues that their dad had abused them. (Toyos' mother said a court order prevented her from speaking with the press; Toyos' father didn't reply to interview requests.) Threats ensued, Toyos said. The girls were told that if they didn't comply, they could be separated, sent to wilderness camps, committed to psychiatric facilities, and cut off from their mom for the rest of their childhoods, according to Toyos.

Much of the Family Bridges workshop involves watching and discussing videos, program documents show. One of them, "Welcome Back, Pluto," tells the fictional story of a petulant teen who scorns her father. "If you're alienated, like Emily, you might get mad when others don't take your complaints seriously," a female narrator says. In time, however, Emily "learned to see things more clearly." She realized her complaints were "exaggerated," the narrator explains, and "sounded just like her mother's."

According to the video, which was scripted by Richard Warshak, a psychologist who helped develop Family Bridges, some children who steadfastly reject a parent "suffer for the rest of their lives."

Other materials warn children against trusting their memories. Toyos, whose workshop took place at the C'mon Inn in Bozeman, Montana, said she was shown a 2013 TED Talk by Elizabeth Loftus, a psychologist who developed the idea that memory is malleable and who has served as a defense witness in high-profile trials, including Harvey Weinstein's. Memories are often contaminated by outside influences, Loftus warns in the talk, which leads to false accusations that can ruin lives.

Insider and Type spoke with or reviewed statements by 17 youths ordered into Family Bridges, Turning Points, or other reunification programs. Their accounts of the workshops were broadly similar. Hannah Rodriguez, then a 16-year-old living in Tampa, Florida, said her workshop, in 2016, was held at Linda Gottlieb's home in New York's Hudson Valley. Gottlieb, the author of a book on parental alienation syndrome, had founded Turning Points about two years earlier. Rodriguez said Gottlieb's office was right off the living room, where her husband spent his time in a recliner. Every day, Rodriguez could see him and hear his TV shows, she said.

Rodriguez, Toyos, and several other former participants said the workshops plunged them into depression.

In spring 2022, one 13-year-old girl got so distressed during a session with Gottlieb at a hotel that she banged on a wall and screamed for help, court papers show. Someone called the police, who brought her to a hospital for a psychiatric evaluation. "I just want my mom," the girl said, according to hospital records, but under the court order she couldn't call her. She was held at the hospital for three days.

In a written statement that Montes said he later dictated to her, Robert said he became suicidal. "The only thing that stopped me from throwing myself off the balcony was the 24/7 surveillance," the statement reads. "I never thought so many people would be that horrible, controlling, and manipulative towards little kids."

At the end of the workshop, Robert went home with Winenger and had "horrible, weird depressive anxiety episodes," according to the statement. In early February, he was admitted to the psychiatric ward of a children's hospital, according to court records.

Repeated emails to Rand were met with an auto-response saying he was "on sabbatical." The psychologist managing Family Bridges in his absence, Yvonne Parnell, declined interview requests, as did Gottlieb. Gottlieb forwarded Insider's queries to a lawyer, Brian Ludmer, but Ludmer said he couldn't speak for her. Neither Parnell nor Gottlieb replied to detailed written questions.

Lynn Steinberg said her program One Family at a Time, based in Los Angeles, has treated some 50 families over the past eight years. A family therapist, she's the author of "You're Not Crazy: Overcoming Parent/Child Alienation." She was the only program director who agreed to talk.

She said she begins each workshop by listening to the children and taking down every accusation they make; she then works to achieve "an agreement between parent and child." After those conversations, she said, the children are dramatically transformed. They apologize and cry, she said; they kiss and embrace the parent they'd rejected, even sitting in the parent's lap. They're eager to make up for lost time, she said, and can't wait to see long-lost kin.

Daniel Barrozo, of Chino, California, said Steinberg's workshop was a "tremendous help" to him and his daughter in 2021. Steinberg successfully challenged his daughter's misperceptions about him, he said. When Steinberg asked her what he'd done wrong and what she hated about him, his daughter simply looked down and cried, he said. "The whole time, she had nothing to say, because Mom was the one speaking for her," he said. Now, he said, his relationship with his daughter is stronger than ever.

Steinberg said her own mother alienated her from her father, a realization she reached only after his death. She called her ex-husband an alienator, too, saying her adult daughters reject her to this day. She regrets that they didn't get help from a program like hers.

Left untreated, alienated children "fail at relationships" and risk developing eating disorders, drug addiction, depression, gender dysphoria, and other ills, Steinberg said, citing her clinical experience.

But an increasing number of scholars are criticizing the programs. Jean Mercer, an emeritus professor of psychology at Stockton University, is the author of recent papers on parental alienation. One examined six reunification programs, including Family Bridges and Turning Points, and found that the research evidence supporting the effectiveness of the programs "has few strengths and many weaknesses." For another paper, Mercer reviewed the scholarship on the programs and statements from five youths who'd attended them. She found that the programs "may contain elements of psychological abuse."

Another study, by Michael Saini of the University of Toronto, examined 58 empirical papers on alienation and its treatments and found the body of research "methodologically weak." While some divorcing parents exhibited "alienating behaviors" and some children rejected a parent, the nexus between those phenomena hadn't been proved, Saini found. Moreover, he found the studies hadn't shown that interventions worked.

Following the workshop, the programs commonly assign children to a specially trained aftercare therapist. Meanwhile, the exiled parent undergoes reeducation.

Insider obtained audio of a call last year between Gottlieb and the mother of a 14-year-old girl and a 12-year-old boy in Turning Points. "I think what you did is criminal," says Gottlieb, who, like Steinberg, has publicly stated that her own mother alienated her from her father. There was "no reason" the children shouldn't have a relationship with their father, Gottlieb says in the recording, and "you have failed miserably to require it."

"That's alienation," she says. "That is what you are guilty of, and it's child abuse." For the children's sake, the woman must "make amends," Gottlieb says. Otherwise, "I will recommend extending the no-contact period until they're 18."

Insider and Type interviewed 12 mothers whose children were sent to Turning Points, many of whom said Gottlieb rebuked them over the phone and in emails. Most said they were required to write letters to the kids praising their fathers and submit them to Gottlieb for approval.

In early November 2016, Gottlieb told Kelly D. — Ashton and O.'s mother — that her letters contained superfluous details and secret messages and needed to be redone. In the end, Kelly submitted several drafts for each of her sons, all of which Gottlieb rejected.

"She sets a bar," Kelly said. "You try to reach the bar. She sets the bar higher."

Judge Ostroski had ordered Kelly to find a therapist "acceptable to Ms. Gottlieb" who would help her support Michael's relationship with the children. From a list provided by the Delaware Family Court, Kelly chose a psychologist, William Northey. But Gottlieb warned in an email, "I cannot approve him before I speak with him about his specialized knowledge of alienation."

The conversation went poorly. Gottlieb considered Northey unacceptable, she later testified, and Northey found fault with Gottlieb, too. He sent her a letter, reviewed by Insider, criticizing her for calling Kelly a "sociopath" and for using the phrase "parental alienation syndrome," which, he wrote, "is not a recognized diagnostic term."

Meanwhile, Gottlieb was making demands of Ashton and O. Shortly after they returned from New York, according to an email to both parents obtained by Insider, Gottlieb determined that they needed to transfer schools immediately, as their current schools had "actively undermined" their relationship with their dad.

She sought custody of O., too. But in September 2020, Ostroski found that Kelly still hadn't been properly treated for her alienating tendencies and denied her petition.

For now, even visits were too risky, Ostroski concluded.

"Ashton's behavior of running away from Father and refusing to now see Father supports Gottlieb's prediction that, if the children are returned to Mother before she addresses her alienating behavior, they will revert to their prior behaviors when they were refusing to see Father and all of the work that has been done over the past 4 years will be wasted," Ostroski wrote in the ruling.

'Junk science'

In June 2010, more than a thousand mental-health practitioners, lawyers, and judges gathered at the Sheraton in downtown Denver for the annual conference of the Association of Family and Conciliation Courts, which unites players in the child-custody field from around the world. The theme that year was "Traversing the Trail of Alienation," and over four days the condition was discussed in more than 30 sessions. Participants could learn how to spot an alienating parent, when it was best to defy a child's wishes, and what might help an alienated child heal.

The event signified a remarkable embrace of an idea whose author had been consumed by scandal and tragedy just a short time earlier.

In the late 1990s, critics of Gardner's dealt a powerful blow to his credibility by unearthing writings in which he'd defended pedophilia.

"Sexual activities between an adult and a child are an ancient tradition," he wrote in a 1992 book.

As a product of Western culture, he viewed pedophilia as reprehensible, he wrote, but it may not be "psychologically detrimental" in other cultures. The following year, in a journal article, Gardner argued that from an evolutionary standpoint, children benefited from being "drawn into sexual encounters," since these experiences steered them toward early reproduction. "The Draconian punishments meted out to pedophilics go far beyond what I consider to be the gravity of the crime," he wrote in 1991 in "Sex Abuse Hysteria: Salem Witch Trials Revisited."

In May 2003, at age 72, Gardner dosed himself with painkillers and stabbed himself to death. His son told reporters he was driven to suicide by chronic pain that had recently worsened.

In the assessments of his life that followed, Gardner's work was lambasted by prominent psychiatrists, including Dr. Paul Fink, a past president of the American Psychiatric Association. "This is junk science," Fink told Newsday in July 2003. "He invented a concept and talked about it as if it were proven science. It's not."

The theory could have died with Gardner. Instead, it gained ground.

In 2001, Richard Warshak, a clinical professor of psychology at the University of Texas Southwestern Medical Center, published "Divorce Poison: Protecting the Parent/Child Bond From a Vindictive Ex." The book, released by HarperCollins, brought parental alienation theory to a wider audience — and made it more palatable. Unlike Gardner, Warshak spoke of alienation in gender-neutral terms, saying many fathers were programmers, too, and he likened the no-contact period between children and their preferred parent to study abroad.

Warshak started leading workshops for Family Bridges around 2005 and eventually became its unofficial spokesman, a role in which he excelled. In 2010, he appeared in "Welcome Back, Pluto" and published an influential article about Family Bridges in the AFCC journal.

In that study, Warshak reported on outcomes for the 23 children he'd worked with in the program so far. During the four-day workshop, 22 of them recovered a "positive relationship" with their rejected parent, he observed, including recalcitrant teens.

After the workshop, however, four children regressed, Warshak wrote, following what he called "premature" contact with their preferred parent. The program worked best, he said, when this contact was blocked "for an extended period of time." Warshak didn't respond to interview requests.

Meanwhile, another Gardner successor, Dr. William Bernet, a professor of psychiatry at Vanderbilt University, was working to push alienation theory forward. He submitted a proposal to the American Psychiatric Association to include "parental alienation disorder" in the next version of its Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, or DSM, and authored a scholarly article making the case for inclusion. He submitted a similar application to the World Health Organization, which was revising its International Classification of Diseases.

Bernet declined a request for an interview. But in a 2010 book, he wrote that since alienation scholarship had advanced in the wake of Gardner's death, "there is no need now to dwell on the details of what Richard Gardner did or said or wrote."

At the AFCC's conference in Denver in June 2010, Warshak was given a platform to discuss his Family Bridges paper, as was Bernet, to describe his DSM bid. Other presenters staked out a more moderate stance, arguing that while alienation was a pervasive problem, there was insufficient research to support construing it as a mental illness or ordering extreme interventions.

A few alienation opponents presented, including Joan Meier. But she said she flew home to Washington in tears.

"Everywhere I turned, alienation was the coin of the realm," she said.

She set out to design a study that would document how women who alleged abuse were treated in family courts nationwide — especially when alienation was raised. The Justice Department supported the project with a grant of $500,000.

In 2013, the new edition of the DSM was released with no mention of parental alienation. And in 2020, the World Health Organization ruled that parental alienation was "not a health care term" and lacked "evidence-based" treatments.

Bernet and his colleagues simply regrouped. In court, they started calling alienation a "dynamic" or a "phenomenon" rather than an illness, which appeared to satisfy some judges. And Bernet incorporated the nonprofit Parental Alienation Study Group, a coalition of parents, lawyers, and therapists who collaborated on cases and research. Rand, Gottlieb, and Steinberg joined, along with hundreds of other mental-health practitioners involved in custody work. Many, like Steinberg and Gottlieb, claimed to have experienced alienation themselves.

Meier assembled her own research team, comprising a statistician, three social scientists, and two assistants, to conduct her large-scale study. In January 2020, just weeks before the WHO decision, the results were published in the Journal of Social Welfare and Family Law.

The stark findings shocked even her.

Most trial-court rulings in custody cases are unpublished, but Meier's team identified 15,000 rulings involving abuse or alienation that were published electronically from 2005 to 2014. After winnowing that dataset to cases in which the only parties were two warring parents — not, for example, a child welfare agency — the team was left with 4,300 rulings. There were nearly 2,200 cases in which a mother had accused her ex of spousal or child abuse, and in 10% of these, the father had fought back with an alienation claim.

In general, judges were hesitant to credit mothers' abuse claims. When alienation wasn't raised, judges credited these claims 41% of the time, Meier found, and 26% of the time, mothers lost primary custody.

For the 222 mothers whose spouses accused them of alienation, the picture was even grimmer. Women who alleged abuse and whose husbands accused them of alienation lost custody half the time — twice as often as women who weren't accused of alienation.

To Meier, one of the study's most staggering findings was how rarely mothers branded with the scarlet "A" were believed. In cases where mothers alleged child physical abuse and fathers cross-claimed alienation, judges credited mothers a mere 18% of the time, she found. And in the 51 cases where mothers alleged child sexual abuse and fathers claimed alienation, all but one mother was disbelieved.

For a father accused of child molestation, Meier concluded, "alienation is a complete trump card."

'The whole world is watching'

In January 2022, three months after losing her children, Montes chanced upon a sickening discovery.

In a cloud storage account she'd once shared with Winenger, she said, she found thousands of his photos and videos, including explicit images of their three shared children. She loaded them onto a thumb drive for the San Diego County Sheriff's Department, whose investigation into Winenger had never closed.

Within days, Winenger was arrested. He was soon charged with 19 felonies, including possession of child pornography and 14 counts of committing forcible lewd acts against a child, Robert.

He pleaded not guilty and was released on bail, his access to the children suspended. Because of the no-contact order he'd previously obtained against Montes, the children landed in a county shelter. Winenger's defense attorney, Patrick Clancy, declined to comment on Winenger's behalf, saying he doesn't try his cases in the press.

Suddenly, the custody dispute was transferred to juvenile dependency court, which meant Ratekin was no longer presiding. The new judge ordered the kids into their mother's care while the case was pending. On February 18, they came home.

At first, Montes said, the two youngest children were so scared of being taken again that they couldn't sleep in their rooms. She set up a big mattress on her bedroom floor.

Meanwhile, Joan Meier was using her research to make inroads with policymakers.

She'd worked with colleagues to draft a federal law that would incentivize states to protect children from abusers during custody disputes. They named the bill Kayden's Law, after a girl in Pennsylvania whose father murdered her during a court-ordered visit. During negotiations over reauthorization of the Violence Against Women Act, the child's congressional representative, Brian Fitzpatrick, got Kayden's Law in.

The legislation, signed into law on March 15, 2022, sets aside up to $5 million a year for grants to states if, among other measures, they mandate training for custody judges on abuse and trauma and prohibit them from ordering treatments that cut children off from a parent to whom they are attached. If enough states comply, the law could spell the end of the reunification programs.

Last summer, California was the first state to consider such a bill. It was introduced by state Sen. Susan Rubio of Los Angeles County, a survivor of domestic violence herself, after she heard from mothers who'd been accused of alienation and children who'd been sent to reunification programs.

Rubio's bill set off a battle that has since spread to statehouses around the country. Steinberg, the alienation therapist from Los Angeles, was a vocal opponent, arguing that men would be rendered powerless against false accusations. She was joined by fathers' rights groups and by the Parental Alienation Study Group, which was simultaneously pushing hard to discredit Meier's study. (Two prominent members of the group authored a studyconcluding that her findings could not be replicated, which Meier then rebutted.) After Rubio's bill passed the assembly unanimously last August, she was forced to withdraw it in the face of intense opposition from state judges over the training mandate.

Then, last October, the momentum shifted. That's when Maya, the 15-year-old from Santa Cruz, told a custody judge that her mother had abused her and her brother. The judge, Rebecca Connolly, didn't believe her and ordered the children into Steinberg's program, cutting off contact with their father. The graphic video of the children being seized on October 20 was quickly viewed millions of times.

In response to an interview request, an officer of the Santa Cruz County Superior Court said Connolly could not speak about pending cases. Maya's mother has denied the abuse claims in court. Her lawyer, Heidi Simonson, declined an interview, citing court orders pertaining to "privacy and confidentiality."

On the heels of the viral video, a coalition of activists — many of them mothers accused of alienation — organized protests around the country. The first took place October 28 outside the courthouse where Maya had just testified. Standing on concrete risers and facing the building, a pack of Maya's friends demanded her return. "The whole world is watching!" they shouted. Protests also erupted in Michigan, Kansas, and Utah.

Rubio introduced a new bill, with modified judicial training requirements, in February. A similar bill passed both chambers of the Colorado legislature in April. One in Montana died in committee; its sponsor, Sen. Theresa Manzella, said she was up against a "deliberate distribution of misinformation" by opponents, including attorneys who use parental alienation as a legal tactic.

Montes said she's "cautiously optimistic" about Winenger's criminal trial, set to begin in June, and she hopes for an imminent victory in her custody case. Five years of legal bills have left her in debt and on food stamps, she said, but she considers herself lucky all the same. Almost every day, she talks to mothers who remain severed from their children.

Mothers like Kelly D., whose children were sent to Linda Gottlieb's reunification program in New York.

Kelly last saw her younger son, O., early on a Monday morning. It was a warm, sunny day, and she dropped him off at his best friend's house so they could shoot baskets before school. She hugged him, told him she loved him, and said she'd pick him up in the afternoon. Then she drove to court for a hearing.

That was six years, six months, and 24 days ago.

The reporting for this story is part of a forthcoming documentary from Insider, Retro Report, and Type Investigations.

If you are experiencing domestic abuse, you can call the National Domestic Violence hotline at 1-800-799-7233.

Read the original article on Insider

[choicesficwriterscreations]

December Creator of the Month: Coffeeheartaddict2

Please welcome this month’s Creator of the Month: @coffeeheartaddict2

Each month, CFWC highlights one of our talented fanfic writers or artists. The writer or artist is selected at random. More info can be found on the navigation page. Past COTMs can be found here.

Tumblr Blog Name: Coffeeheartaddict2

How do you want to be known on Tumblr? Tash

Quick Links:

Tumblr Blog

Masterlist

1- When did you start playing Choices? What was the first book you played?

2020, pandemic. I saw the ad somewhere, so I downloaded it. The first book was The Royal Romance.

2- When and why did you join Choices fandom?

2021, so three nearly 4 years. Fell into it when I created my Tumblr as an outlet to post my work. Writing was literally a way of getting some thoughts out, and it grew from there.

3- How did you pick your blog name?

I am as much of a coffee snob as our favourite pixelated doctor. When I created my blog, I only wrote for Open Heart and put the word addict in. I have the 2there as I had some issues with my original blog, and I had to create a second, so I added the 2 so people knew it was me.

4- Pull up the first post in your archive, and tell us about it!

So this was my first work. I thought about how the Leland storyline could have played out and went with it. It was initially a one-shot.

5- Do you write fanfiction, create fan art, or are you one of those really gifted people who do both?

I write. I can draw but not what one would classify as well enough.

6- How long have you been creating for Choices and for any other fandoms?

I started writing in 2020 and just kept going. I did a few one-shots, and then I felt a little empty at the end of book 2. Well, I decided to rewrite it, and that set the beginning of what I dubbed Tashland.

7- What is your favorite Choices book, and what is your favorite Choices book to create for?

Well, Open Heart, obviously. I enjoyed The Royal Romance and Crimes of Passion.

8- Share your first Choices fanfic or fan art that you posted with us. Do you still like it, or would you change it if you were creating it today?

I cannot remember the first one I posted with CFWC, nor can I remember exactly when, but I think it was part one of When Egos Collide.

I do like it. I spent a few chapters setting up Leland and his over all plan, putting in the seeds of Tobias coming across to Edenbrook and where Ethan was at. Do I want to go back and tidy up a few bits? Most definitely, but overall, I would not change too much.

Link to part one.

9- What is your favorite piece of fiction or art that you created?

I will cheat and do a series (or 2).

The first series is When Egos Collide, aka what ended up being a rewrite of book 3. I had started it before book three dropped, so I was going to use some plot points if it worked in my narrative. Well, what bones of a decent story were given fit in well. The whole premise was doing bad for good vs. doing good for bad and what or who would win out and the fallout. I was proud of it, and it is what brought me into the fandom more.

Link to series.

The second was Everybody Hurts Sometimes. Not only a good song by REM. A fellow fandom member received an ask about what she would think happened if Ethan did not talk to Louise and she died. I then brewed a plot in my head and this person was fine with me commandeering the ask, and that series was born.

The series can be found here.

10- Do you have a fic/art that you didn’t expect to be well received, but it was? What about one you expected to do well but found it could use a little more love?

I eventually rewrote my 14-20 of book two rewrite. I was fairly happy with the basic plot, but as time went on, I felt that it lacked depth, especially since I had written so much in and around the timeline that was not in the original series. I am always happy if anyone reads or comments at the end of the day.

11- If you could write only angst, fluff, or smut for the rest of your writing life, which would it be and why?

Angst with a happy end with a side of smut, lol. Angst sometimes seems more real and relatable, and I enjoy writing it. I like to give happy endings, especially as some of my angst can be pretty intense, and we all need a little smut in our lives.

12- Do you ever recognize yourself in any of your MCs or in your writing?

My MC likes to cope with bad things by throwing herself into work, which I do, or I distract myself.

13- What element of writing/art do you struggle with most?

I know some of you will disagree with me, but fluff. I find it the hardest to write.

14- Do you have any neglected work you really want to finish?

I feel like I have been neglecting writing in general at the moment. The joys of young children.

15- If someone you know in real life (who isn’t involved in fandoms) asked to see your work, would you let them? If yes, what would you show them first?

Yes, I would. I would probably start them with my book 2 ch14-20 rewrite, as that sets up my world. Then, I would let them decide on what to do next. I do have book 1 works, but I think they will work better if read after my book 2 ch 14-20 rewrite.

16- Are there any writers (published authors and/or fanfic writers) who influenced your writing or art? Are there any artists that influence you?

I have a diverse reading taste (says she, who is currently reading Harry Potter with my daughter). I would not say that what I have read outside the fandom influences me (unless I did an Outlander AU). I would not say influence, but certainly most encouraging have been @jerzwriter, @cariantha, @jamespotterthefirst and @liaromancewriter, among others.

17- Which one of your stories would you most like to see as a movie/series?

Everybody Hurts Sometimes and When Egos Collide would make good series.

18- Do you write original fiction or create non-fandom art?

No, I do not.

19- What other hobbies do you have?

Baking. I like baking cakes and biscuits. I tried my hand at fudge, and it worked despite putting the chocolate in too early. I do not have a lot of free time.

[mirrorball-leclerc]

the unhinged younger brother

series masterlist

SEPTEMBER 2019

rhys jones YOU WROTE A SONG FOR SID? WHERE'S THE SONG FOR ME?

mae jones you don't deserve one pipsqueak.

daphne jones listen to the song first rhys, then we can talk.

rhys jones WHY IS THE SONG GOING TO CHANGE HOW I FEEL?

mae jones please just listen to the song.

5 MINUTES LATER

rhys jones well now i feel like an a-hole.

rhys jones please give max my apologies and a happy birthday.

rhys jones do not tell anyone that i cried.

OCTOBER 2019

rhys jones must you add him?

daphne jones rhys, we’re engaged now. he's going to be a jones.

mae jones you have to be nice to him rhys.

rhys jones i'm 10, i don't have to do anything.

mae jones remider, stop using the voice to text, we know you're a horrible writer, you're 10.

rhys jones i'm telling mom!

daphne jones added one person

rhys jones WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?! THIS IS TREASON!

daniel ricciardo still as dramatic as ever i see

rhys jones your a bully. i'm 10. daniel ricciardo *you're rhys jones this is why they replaced you with pierre... daphne jones RHYS! daniel ricciardo i left the team rhys jones yeah, for renault. who does that?

mae jones this may have been a mistake

rhys jones a mistake was daph dumping tom hiddleston for daniel... daniel ricciardo stay pressed pint size.

JANUARY 2020

rhys jones can i fight the entire internet? can i?

mae jones no, you can't buddy.

rhys jones it's not fair. not again.

daphne jones you were a baby in 2016, you have no memories of that time.

rhys jones the internet exists daphne! i have seen everything!

daphne jones well now i'm telling mom to restrict your time on the internet.

rhys jones you can't protect me forever!

daniel ricciardo we can fucking try stinker!

rhys jones it's not fair. it's not nice. it's not cool.

daniel ricciardo the internet is never kind kiddo.

mae jones just ignore it, it'll go away after a few weeks

rhys jones what if it doesn't?

mae jones you ignore it. this isn't something you should concern yourself with. they're my problems, i'll handle it.

rhys jones how can i ignore it when they're tell you to go kill yourself? all for falling in love? it's not fair.

mae jones rhys. please. i'll deal with it.

rhys jones fine.

daniel ricciardo and now he's pissed. great.

rhys jones not mad at her. mad at the internet. bunch of poopy-brains.

MAY 2020

rhys jones mclaren? you're moving to mclaren?

daniel ricciardo yes? rhys jones why? daniel ricciardo because? rhys jones big mistake. mark my words.

daphne jones please leave him alone.

rhys jones he agreed to this when he asked you to marry him!

rhys jones mistake because he's driving with a younger driver again! this is why you left red bull!

daniel ricciardo how do you know that?

rhys jones I WATCHED DRIVE TO SURVIVE NERD! daniel ricciardo keep him away from drive to survive.

rhys jones never! how else will i be able to make fun of you?

daniel ricciardo here's a thought? maybe don't?

rhys jones no. you agreed to this. to be apart of this family. these are the consequences of your actions

daniel ricciardo eh, your sister is worth dealing with you.

rhys jones ew gross. love.

SEPTEMBER 2021

rhys jones still don't like you but CONGRATS ON THE MONZA WIN BIG STINK!

daniel ricciardo THANKS LITTLE STINK!

mae jones they definitely like each other. they have nicknames for each other.

rhys jones I DO NOT! (i still think mclaren is a mistake) BUT CONGRATS!

daphne jones just admit you like him and we'll let this go.

rhys jones i don't like him!

daniel ricciardo you so like me little stink.

rhys jones i tolerate you at best.

daniel ricciardo nah, you totally like me.

rhys jones I DO NOT!

DECEMBER 2021

rhys jones SOMEONE ADD SID! I HAVE TO CONGRATULATE HIM

mae jones added one person

max verstappen what the fuck?

rhys jones CONGRATS SID VERSTAPPEN! WORLD CHAMPION!

rhys jones i still hate you for breaking my sister's heart BUT CONGRATS!

max verstappen thanks?

rhys jones TAKE THE COMPLIMENT SID!

daniel ricciardo okay little stink, calm down.

max verstappen i did timon

daniel ricciardo timon?

max verstappen he calls me sid, i call him timon. like from the lion king.

daniel ricciardo i know where it's from max!

rhys jones he's not the one with the broken childhood.

daphne jones okay, you've spent way too much time with ryan. i'm cutting you off.

rhys jones NO! IT'S NOT FAIR! I'M HAVING A GOOD TIME AND YOU PUSH IT AWAY!

max verstappen ENOUGH WITH THE INCHIDENT JOKES! I ALREADY HAVE TO DEAL WITH IT FROM THE OTHER NERDS NOW YOU TOO?

rhys jones WORLD CHAMPIONS HAVE NO SAY IN THE GROUP CHAT!

AUGUST 2022

rhys jones i hate to be the one to say it...

daniel ricciardo go ahead.

rhys jones FUCK MCLAREN! daphne jones RHYS! mae jones RHYS! daniel ricciardo not where i thought this conversation was going to go.

rhys jones HE GAVE ME PERMISSION!

daniel ricciardo i thought you were going to say i told you so...

max verstappen glad we agree on something. come back to red bull nerd.

rhys jones yeah! i'll get rid of checo for you.

max verstappen woah. let's not resort to murder rhys jones pfft. who said anything about murder? i meant kidnapping. mae jones that's not any better buddy.

daphne jones please stay away from ryan.

rhys jones this is your fault because you told me to audition for his movie!

APRIL 2023

rhys jones YOU BOOGERS GOT MARRIED? WITHOUT ME THERE? HOW COULD YOU?

mae jones I'M SORRY! IT JUST HAPPENED!

rhys jones I'M STEALING YOUR CATS!

max verstappen LEAVE MY CHILDREN OUT OF THIS RHYS!

rhys jones I SWEAR TO GOD VERSTAPPEN IF YOU DO TO MY SISTER WHAT OUR DAD DID TO OUR MOM I WILL END YOU!

max verstappen i would never do that. ever. i love her too much to do that.

rhys jones good. would hate to murder the current world champion.

max verstappen did daniel also get threatened or was it just me?

rhys jones i plead the fifth...

daniel jones-ricciardo he threatened to cut my nutsack off

daphne jones-ricciardo RHYS!

rhys jones i didn't do it! i want nieces and nephews daph! i want to be a cool uncle!

max verstappen yeah, according to lando, lewis is set to be the cool uncle.

rhys jones great i lost the title to some guy who’s not even related to us. is this what lewis felt after abu dhabi 2021?

max verstappen oh you’ve got jokes now?

rhys jones i’m available all year!

AUGUST 2023

rhys jones i'm not panicking. i don't like him. BUT IS HE OKAY?

daniel jones-ricciardo i'm okay! max jones-verstappen a few broken bones but yeah, he's fine.

rhys jones you know, watching that happen live is much worse than people think it is.

rhys jones WHAT DO YOU MEAN BROKEN BONES?!

daniel jones-ricciardo i'll be fine, nothing surgery can't fix. i'll be out for a little while but i'll probably be back by texas.

mae jones-verstappen realistically, that's the race that's more important to danny

rhys jones does this mean you'll go back to being a trophy husband?

daniel jones-ricciardo yes.

daphne jones-ricciardo great, someone can babysit rhys for mom.

rhys jones oh great. i get stuck with him?

rhys jones AND I'M 14! I DON'T NEED A BABYSITTER!

max jones-verstappen we watched you grow up timon, you need a babysitter.

mae jones-verstappen just last week, you tried jumping off the roof of sophie's house because lando dared, you need a babysitter

daphne jones-ricciardo HE DID WHAT?

rhys jones I AM PERCY JACKSON! I AM INVINCIBLE!

daphne jones-ricciardo RHYS WHEN I GET MY HANDS ON YOU! YOU IDIOT YOU COULD'VE BEEN HURT!

daniel jones-ricciardo at least i would've had a friend in the hospital with me.

daphne jones-ricciardo you two idiots are lucky i love you and i'm in mexico city or i would've hurt you both

rhys jones defeats the whole purpose of keeping me safe no?

max jones-verstappen glad to know that even in the face of certain death rhys still has his sass.

rhys jones i am persassy!

OCTOBER 2023

rhys jones someone tell charles that i'll be personally throttling everyone at the FIA headquarters.

rhys jones this is bull-crap.

max jones-verstappen i will gladly pass the message along rhys.

daniel jones-ricciardo glad to know someone agrees with me

mae jones-verstappen we ride at dawn.

daphne jones-ricciardo well glad to know we're all in agreement the group chat is currently in flames.

rhys jones if i had a nickel for everytime carlos sainz got handed a podium after a dsq, i'd have two nickels, which isn't a lot but it's weird that it happened twice.

rhys jones it's me and my sword against the FIA

max jones-verstappen your sword isn't real rhys.

rhys jones it is because i say so.

rhys jones say that again and i'll steal your cats. i swear it max.

max jones-verstappen LEAVE MY CHILDREN OUT OF THIS TIMON!

AN INTERVIEW WITH RYAN REYNOLDS AND RHYS JONES

comments

user my brain refuses to believe that this boy is related to daphne.

↳ user daphne wrote the lyrics, "i’ll tell them you’re gay" in the og picture to burn. are you really having a hard time believing they're related?

↳ user ngl, that completely flew over my head.

user love this kid. he’s great.

user knowing that ryan basically watched this kid grow up and decided yup, he can play the younger version of me in a movie is something so special to me.

user i don't know what's funnier that dig at griffin or that dig at max?

↳ user definitely the one at griffin.

user daphne and mae not letting him meet charles or seb is so funny, she knows he's about to reign chaos on the paddock.

↳ user let him meet isabella and lando and it's over for them.

user he's a tifosi? max must be so upset

↳ user why would he? he's not dating mae anymore

↳ user it's a joke, watch the video and you'll see he made a similar joke

user did ryan just call max mae's boyfriend? are they back together?

↳ user i think it was more as an umbrella term. rhys jokes about griffin too

↳ user i got my hopes up for nothing.

user love how rhys doesn't even mention griffin and everyone assumes that stingy joke was about him.

↳ user well, he did only joke about mae's boyfriends. safe to assume that joke was about him.

↳ user personally i always saw george russell as stingy, but that's just me.

user i love this kid, best choice to play a young ryan reynolds. get this kid to play him in deadpool 3.

taglist: @burningcupcakefire @arkhammaid @sunflower-golden-vol6 @applopie @lorarri @mypage-myfandoms @bb-swift @thewannabewriter @you-bleed-just-toknowyouarealive @stopeatread @hobiismyhopeu @lilsiz @alessioayla @niniluvsainz @au-ghosttype @cowboylikemets1989 @justtprachisblog @rmeddar123 @nichmeddar @landonorizzz @unluckyyoshi @Mimolovescookies @brekkers-whore @natcha888 @camdensreg @mycenterfold @dear-fifi @prongsvault @kaa212 @anxxiousaries @julesbabey1 @julesbabey @georgeparisole @Smnthnclj

strikethrough means i couldn't tag you

¡leclerc-s speaks! i'm adding to the jones sisters lore! this was mostly because i watched the pjo show and i loved walker's performance in the adam project with ryan. i also just wanted to give max and daniel someone who constantly bickered with them, hence the little brother for mae and daphne. this part needed to come out before the fruitcake part because i did mention rhys there and i didn't want anyone to be confused on who he was.

¡disclaimer! this is in no way making assumptions about the people involved in this story, this is all fake. it is a fanfiction please don't take any of what is said seriously. this is all for entertainment purposes and as a creative outlet for me. enjoy!

[rivalsforlife]

pardon me if you’re tired of discussing this but. we know aa7 is on capcom’s radar on some level. and now they’ve rereleased every game right?? they’ve finally run out of backlog material after almost yearly releases since 2019…. Not to put the clown wig and nose back on too early but do you think we’ll actually get news about, or get to see, aa7 next year?

Never tired of discussing this!! This is right around the time of year where I'd be preparing to make my yearly AA7 Speculation Post anyway so this is great timing. (TGS, my enemy, is approaching.)

So just to make sure everyone's on the same page, here's a quick recap of where we're currently at:

In November 2020 we got internal Capcom leaks which included a calendar from 2019 with the roadmap for the AA series the next couple of years. This included:

DGS1&2 collection, which I did not think was going to happen ever, releasing April-June 2021

AA7, releasing around October-December 2021, right around the 20th anniversary.

Through late 2019-mid 2022, reconsider porting 456

We got DGS1&2 (a bit later than in the plan, but by like a month), we got the 456 ports, we got bonus AAI ports, we have nothing for AA7 nearly three years after it was supposed to come out. The pandemic is an obvious feature that could contribute to its delay, but at this point with 456 ports out I think we can safely say that this was not the only cause.

Some other things that may or may not be contributing to AA7's delay include:

Yamazaki, the previous main writer for 5&6 and the AAIs, left Capcom in 2020. If he was involved in AA7 at all, that could throw a wrench into things, but I recall hearing he intended AA6 to be his last AA game (I AM STRUGGLING TO FIND THE SOURCE THOUGH SOMEONE PLEASE HELP ME), so I don't think this contributed very much. It does, however, mean that we're unsure about who the next main writer is - depending on what Takumi's up to or if they had to bring someone new on, there could be complications related to that.

I think TGAA did way better than anyone expected, which I covered in this post. It's possible that this could have shifted Capcom's priorities to porting more old games / porting to all modern consoles. It may have made people at Capcom think "damn everyone loves Takumi" so they tried to lure him back to AA7, and I have no idea how well that would have gone or if Takumi is even interested in continuing mainline AA right now. (I do think this at least contributed to the Ghost Trick ports.)

In my first ever AA7 speculation post I talked about how the ending of AA6 kind of wrote them into a corner re: how to continue with the series and which protagonist to use. I still stand by that argument even if a lot of that post aged badly.

Console ports! Previously new AA games were for whichever Nintendo handheld is out now (GBA, Nintendo DS, Nintendo 3DS). But now that the series is doing really well on all consoles, they may have decided to try to make their next mainline entry on all consoles, which would take more development time. Adding to this is that the Switch is near the end of its lifecycle with the Switch 2 (or whatever the successor will be) being announced soon - meaning that, if AA7 is coming out soon, Capcom is in the position of "do we try to squeeze this into the end of the Switch's lifecycle" (which, I'll need to find sources for this, is speculated to be some of the reasons behind why AAI2 and DGS2 sold badly when they were first released, and they can't make the same mistake thrice... right...?) or "do we try to time it with the release of the Switch 2"?

Also, a lot of this depends on how far AA7 was into development whenever it was derailed. If it was derailed from the pandemic, then according to the calendar, it would likely have still been in the prototype stage. It may be early enough that they would have had to start from scratch whenever they picked it up again. I don't work in the gaming industry so I have no idea how long it takes them to make a game or how easy it would be from what stage they're in.

One thing we can compare to is some of the comments about the recent AAI ports: in this interview, Shunsuke Nishida, the producer of the AAI collection, says that development on the collection began in 2022. He also mentions that this began once development on 456 was concluded. This leads me to believe that (contrary to my previous assumptions) 456 and AAIC were not developed concurrently (or if so, had very minimal overlap), and that the process of upscaling graphics, porting, and localization took them... about a year, maybe? So that takes time, even without taking into consideration how long it would take to come up with a new idea + write the script + the bulk of the programming that would have to be done that isn't considered with porting + probably way more than I can think of because again I do not work in the gaming industry.

There's also the question of why 456 and AAIC weren't developed concurrently. The calendar from 2020 shows that TGAA and AA7 were meant to be developed at least somewhat concurrently, and the staff from TGAA would eventually merge into working on AA7. Once again, we don't know what happened to the staff that were supposed to be working on AA7. It's possible pandemic complications meant they got shuffled onto other projects. It's possible the AA-related team is smaller now than it was in 2020, so they only have enough people to work on one project at a time. It's also possible that there's a team that was working on ports, and a team that was working on a new game, and now the "port team" is freed up to work on the "new game team".

Either way though, pretty much every interview with the staff for the 456 or AAI ports are all saying "look forward to the future of the series", which is definitely Corporate Speak, but unless they're bringing the ports of the Layton crossover (fingers crossed) that can only mean one thing. (AAI anime?) Plus, like I've discussed in this post, AA is having fantastic sales in general. They've seemingly either hired a new social media manager or changed the strategy so there is much more engagement on twitter. And AA is getting on bigger and bigger announcements - though AA trilogy ports were announced at TGS (at an AA-specific panel), TGAA duology ports were announced unceremoniously on twitter. Afterwards, 456 ports got announced at the Capcom Showcase during Summer Game Fest. And now AAI collection got announced at a Nintendo Direct, which I imagine is even more expensive, so the series must be going in a good direction for them to think that's worth it!

That's a lot of rambling for me to say I definitely think it's coming.

When are we going to see it though!!

Coming up in September is my eternal enemy Tokyo Game Show. Since AAI collection is being released at the beginning of September... it might be a bit too soon to announce a new game, but who knows. They might think it's profitable to ride the hype they're building now for AAI collection to announce a new game. Or they might let it sit for a while.

With AAIC getting announced at a Direct, I'm thinking they'll want to make AA7's announcement a) big and b) global. AA6 was announced in Famitsu, but the problem with that is that it's a mostly Japanese audience, and some interviews have been talking about how AA's global audience is particularly contributing to how big it is right now. So I'm expecting AA's next announcement to be at something major and something that will get attention from overseas audiences.

If they have been working on AA7 concurrently -- and honestly I do think there has at least been some progress on it since 2019 -- we could definitely see an announcement within the next year. I was also saying this in 2020, though, so don't take my word for it. There's been two year gaps between ports up until the AAI collection, and they seemed pretty proud about releasing 456 and AAI in the same year, so... maybe they'll want to keep it going and announce AA7 within the next year, especially if they'll have a longer announcement -> release period than they normally would for ports.

Potential candidates include:

Tokyo Game Show: As previously stated, it's very close to the AAIC release, so I don't think it's the best timing for it. I would not want my favorite AA game overshadowed by whatever the hell they're going to do with AA7. Likelihood: depends on how fast they want to follow up on the hype.

The Game Awards: is the next major gaming event, but that's already massive in terms of the type of games that get announced there, and it's expensive! Nintendo Direct is one thing since AA has always been a Nintendo-first series, but I don't think it's big enough to justify putting in a Game Awards ad. and I already have my clown wig on for persona 6 there. Likelihood: pretty low tbh

Next Year's Summer Game Fest-related Shows: I think this is the most likely, considering both the 456 collection and the AAI collection were announced around this time. For AA7 I'd say a Nintendo Direct to get lots of eyes on it, especially if AAIC sales pay off. Likelihood: pretty high!

Which leads me into my wildcard answer:

Switch 2 Announcement Stream: If Capcom decides to go in and make AA7 one of the first games for whatever the switch successor would be, it could be announced here. I regret to admit that I am a very bad gamer and only like two things, and therefore have not ever been present for one of these things to know how many games get announced as launch games for a new console, but, like, it's possible.

In the above scenario, I'm not necessarily saying that AA7 would be a Switch 2 exclusive - because I think that would be stupid after so much of the support they've gotten from the ports has been from playstation and steam - but I am definitely the kind of person who would buy a console for one video game. Shoutout to me buying a switch in part anticipating that aa7 would come out on it and that is not looking likely

Anyways, that's my speculation!! Reminder that this is mostly uninformed and that I have no knowledge of anything related to sales or marketing or video game development, and as a result of that, I have been wrong (aside from the one time I accurately predicted AAI ports as a joke) for four consecutive years.

[mariacallous]

Last December, in a column about the Jewish books of 2023, I predicted that “next year’s list will include a slew of books dealing with the crisis in Israel or will be read through the lens of the war.”

It was an easy call: If this year’s nonfiction Jewish authors didn’t focus directly on the tragedy or aftermath of Oct. 7 — Israeli journalist Lee Yaron in “10/7: 100 Human Stories,” massacre survivor Amir Tibon in “The Gates of Gaza” and Adam Kirsch in “On Settler Colonialism: Ideology, Violence, and Justice,” to name a few — many added a chapter on the crisis to projects that had long been in the works. 

Joshua Leifer told me he had to rewrite “about 20,000 words” of “Tablets Shattered: The End of an American Jewish Century and the Future of Jewish Life,” his autobiographical critique of the Jewish mainstream. Three books of Jewish theology intended for wide audiences — “To Be a Jew Today” by Noah Feldman, “The Triumph of Life” by Rabbi Irving “Yitz” Greenberg and “Judaism Is About Love” by Rabbi Shai Held — included additional chapters taking into account the fresh wounds and nascent implications of the attack and the war.

In a typical year, the books by Leifer, Feldman, Greenberg and Held — and perhaps “The Amen Effect,” an inspirational volume by Rabbi Sharon Brous — would have competed for the book that best captured the Jewish moment and discourse. It’s a category I’ve been thinking about lately, after asking JTA readers to suggest Jewish books that define 21st-century Jewry and that — here’s the key part — are likely to be found on the shelves of the Jewish readers they know. I was inspired by universally read, era-defining books like 1958’s “Exodus” by Leon Uris, which fed and presaged the Zionist fervor of the 1960s, and “World of Our Fathers” by Irving Howe, which in the 1970s remembered what the children and grandchildren of Eastern European immigrants were already starting to forget.

I’ll get to the readers’ nominees in a moment, but I want to start by suggesting that it is still too early to pick a book, or books, that best reflects where Jews have landed in the wake of Oct. 7. The war still grinds on, and the Jewish community remains uncertain how it will end or what it will ultimately mean. Some themes are emerging, including resurgent antisemitism, the international isolation of Israel, a rupture between Jews and the political left, and perhaps a return to Jewish religious practice and belonging. Any author will need some time and distance to make sense of the upheaval.

It may not be surprising then that the book most frequently suggested by the dozens of readers who responded to my callout, “People Love Dead Jews,” anticipated these upheavals and the Jews’ sense of abandonment. Novelist Dara Horn’s first nonfiction collection, published in 2021, posited that societies that are happy building memorials and museums to Jewish suffering are reluctant to show respect or understanding to actual living Jewish communities. The book “really helped me wrap my head around present-day antisemitism,” wrote reader Marianne Leloir Grange. 

For many readers, “People Love Dead Jews” serves as a skeleton key to understanding the worldwide backlash against Israel in a war that began when Hamas slaughtered 1,200 mostly Jews on Oct. 7. As Horn explained in an interview in April with the online European Jewish magazine K., “You’ll see that people love dead Jews, as long as they’re vulnerable and helpless. In fact, I found it remarkable how much people seemed to relish the idea of showing their support for murdered Jews, until Israel responded with force. That’s how people love the Jews: powerless to stop their own slaughter. As soon as the Jews show any capacity for action, it’s all over.”

(When I asked Horn this week what books spoke to her this year, she said she appreciated Kirsch’s book, the anthology “Young Zionist Voices” edited by David Hazony, and Benjamin Resnick’s dystopian novel “Next Stop.”) 

Another frequently mentioned book seemed almost to act as a balm to Horn’s thesis: “The Heaven and Earth Grocery Store” by James McBride. Last year’s best-selling, prize-winning historical novel is set in a small Pennsylvania town at a moment when immigrant Jews and poor Black families found common cause. “‘The Heaven and Earth Grocery Store’ by James McBride is probably one of the most popular recent books likely to be on an American Jew’s bookshelf,” Galina Vromen wrote me. “I would argue that part of the attraction to Jews today is in light of antisemitism and nostalgia when Jews and Blacks saw themselves on the same side of just causes and Jews were not regarded as enemy white people.”

Vromen, a novelist, had a number of strong suggestions for the kinds of recent books likely to be on American Jewish bookshelves, including “The Netanyahus,” Joshua Cohen’s 2021 Pulitzer Prize-winning novel that serves as a cutting critique of present-day Israeli politics; “The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier & Clay,” Michael Chabon’s best-selling 2000 novel about the Jews who pioneered superhero comics; and “Start-Up Nation” by Dan Senor and Saul Singer. The last one, published in 2009, presented Israel as an incubator of high tech innovation (and coined an enduringly popular nickname for the country) and offers readers a comforting rebuke to the activists who see Israel as an oppressor and colonizer. 

A number of readers recommended Philip Roth’s 2004 novel “The Plot Against America,” which imagined an America run by the populist, isolationist, Nazi-sympathizing and antisemitic Charles Lindbergh in the early years of World War II. The book has had a number of lives: Roth said he wrote it as a rumination on Jewish security in America, but by 2016 it was seen by Donald Trump’s critics as an eerie prophecy of his rise and first election; HBO adapted it for a miniseries in 2020; and this year the New York Times named it one of the “100 Best Books of the 21st Century.”

Beyond that, no other book was suggested by more than one reader, although the ones they did mention seem like strong contenders for the current Jewish book shelf: “Everything Is Illuminated,” Jonathan Safran Foer’s 2002 magical realist novel that anticipated the current vogue for works about Jewish roots tours in Eastern Europe; “My Promised Land” by Ari Shavit and “Like Dreamers” by Yossi Klein Halevi, two 2013 nonfiction works by Israeli authors attempting to explain the country’s heart and soul; and Deborah Lipstadt’s 2019 “Antisemitism: Here and Now” (although I am guessing her 2005 memoir “History on Trial: My Day in Court with a Holocaust Denier,” which became the motion picture “Denial,” is better known). 

Samuel Freedman’s “Jew vs. Jew: The Struggle for the Soul of American Jewry,” published in 2000, fell just short of the 21st century, but was a prescient look at the internal political and religious divides that would only yawn wider in the coming decades. 

I was also pleased to hear from readers who suggested cookbooks. “Jerusalem” by Sami Tamimi and Yotam Ottolenghi (2011) not only kicked off a mania for high-end Middle Eastern cooking but presented a complex and even hopeful version of Jewish and Palestinian coexistence (which did not, over time, include the authors). Joan Nathan’s “Jewish Cooking in America” (1994) cemented her role as Jewish cuisine’s Julia Child. And it’s the rare kosher-keeping home cook who doesn’t own a volume in Susie Fishbein’s “Kosher By Design” series. Fishbein “single-handedly raised Jewish cooking to a gourmet level [and] opened the floodgates to a new sub-industry,” Barbara Kessel wrote me from Jerusalem.

What became clear from my unscientific survey is that in a polarized and media-saturated age, there are fewer books that American Jews might have in common than, say, 40 years ago. But maybe that’s OK. Each year sees a flood of new Jewish books, capturing voices beyond the ashkenormative assumptions of the 20th century and as diverse as the people who write and read them: Mizrachim, women, interfaith families, LGBT Jews, Jews of color, Jews by choice, the religious, the formerly religious.

“Today, my understanding of Jewish life is so much bigger (and richer),” the writer Erika Dreifus wrote me, remembering her own childhood among Ashkenazi Jews in the metro New York area. “I’m so much more aware of Jewish experience that differs from my own.”

[darkjediqueen]

I've been in fandom for a long time. Outside of a few outliers, none of my ships have ever been canon. For the few that were, they were always established pretty early in the canon.

The arrival of Buck/Tommy as a canon pairing is still kind of throwing me. I still think that it's a fever dream. I first wrote Buck/Tommy for the first time in my Like Ripples From a Small Stone series for the Quantum Bang in 2022. So, I started to write it in November/December of 2021. It was mostly a friends-with-benefits thing, but I really liked the idea of them and was still pretty enamored with Buch/Eddie.

I started to see the spec for Buck/Tommy a little while before the premiere of Season 7, and I was like, "That's a long shot and a half; it's impossible. My little crack ship would never become canon. They have never MET IN CANON."

Then 7.04 aired. I was halfway through the episode, and I was getting a little more on edge cause I was seeing what I was seeing, but I thought I had somehow put on my Buck/Tommy slash goggles without noticing.

When the knock came on Buck's door, I thought, "If that's Tommy, they are kissing at some point. I know it." And it was. I was still only mostly hopeful. Then Buck and Tommy kept on getting closer, and I was like, "Fuck My Life."

And then they kissed.

I still really haven't come to grips with my crack couple that hadn't ever met in canon becoming a canon couple. I still sit in wonder sometimes and rewatch the GIF of them kissing.

[duchessonfire]

ONE YEAR OF CEGAN

On this day last year (December 20th, 2023), I posted the first chapter of Nothing Left to Save, the second part of my Savior!Carl AU series. I had completed the first part all the way back in 2021, after binge-watching The Walking Dead again during lockdown, and I hadn't touched it for over two years. Every once in a while, I would re-read part 1 and look at all the wonderful comments that people left on it and tell myself that one day I'd write part 2. For almost three years, I would add little plot lines to the word document in my files. Then, in November 2023, I was finally done with my PhD and on top of absolute relief, I also felt the need to be creative again. I'd written almost exclusively Marvel for the past two years and I felt that my well for that fandom had run a bit dry. So, out of curiosity, I played the first episode of The Walking Dead on Netflix and I opened my Word document for part 2.

I could never imagine that this would lead to my most creative year ever on AO3. Between December 20, 2023 and today, I wrote almost 400k!! That is mind-blowing to me, especially considering that my total wordcount on AO3 since I opened my account in 2018 is almost 700k. In one year, I wrote more than half of that total wordcount. And all of it was for the Cegan fandom, which is especially insane when I think about how it all started.

More on this under the cut:

One thing that stands out to me most of all is that all these numbers happened in the Cegan fandom, which is a very small community. Back when I was posting part 1 of my Savior Carl!AU in 2021, the engagement was very small and sparse. I think I would get maybe 5 or 10 kudos between updates and two or three comments on each chapter. Back then, I was writing mainly for myself and every update was a labor of frustration as much as love. I had fallen into Cegan hard during my TWD re-watch on Netflix and I had tentatively tried to dip my toe into the Cegan fandom on Tumblr.

(Funny thing: I hadn't created a Tumblr account yet and decided to look at the Cegan tag to see if I could find a community there. What I found instead was harassment and hate spewed by antis all over the tag. It scared me so much that I closed Tumblr and didn't start an account until I got into Marvel. Honestly, I'm probably downplaying how utterly traumatic this first experience was, and I'm so thankful that I kept going anyway and posted my fic on AO3, where, for the first time in my life, I clicked on the 'enable comment moderation' button, because I was so scared that some anti and hater would find my fic and decide to go off in the comment box.)

As I said, I posted part 1 of the Savior!Carl AU in 2021 and by then... Cegan was already pretty much a dead ship already. This might be my skewed memory playing tricks on me, but I remember this being a very small and not really active fandom on AO3. The tag was updated very rarely, mainly by the same people keeping the ship afloat through sheer tenacity. Which makes sense considering season 8 finished airing in 2018, so by 2021, Carl had already been dead for over two years. And yet, in spite of this, I kept writing because I had this very clear idea of the kind of fic I wanted to read and I couldn't find it even after browsing pretty much all of the Cegan tag on AO3 (btw, did you know the first Cegan fic was posted in May 2016, right after the end of season 6 and the first part of the line-up episode? Insane). I knew I wanted a fic that delved into the slow build-up of Carl and Negan's relationship, one set in the apocalypse and which didn't shy away from the fact that Negan was a villain. Two things were most important to me: a slow-build (many fics in the tag where about a love at first sight type of encounter, and it didn't scratch the very specific itch I had back then) and a focus on power dynamics (mostly how unbalanced those dynamics would be when Negan was basically a tank crushing everything and anyone in his path). So, because I couldn't find the fic I wanted, I decided to write it myself.

This is how No Savior to be Found came to life. 45k. 4 chapters (which were supposed to be 3, but even back then I had no self-control over my chapter count...). And, because I was chicken shit about smut back then and because I was still afraid of antis, a Teen and up rating and a Carl & Negan platonic tag. I already knew this was going to be a series, a first introduction into a fully romantic and more sexual relationship between Carl and Negan but I didn't have the courage to write it then so I created the series on AO3 and told myself that one day I'd be ready for the follow-up. I told myself the series would only be 2 parts. A before and an after of Carl and Negan's relationship. If anyone was interested in reading it, cool, but most of my satisfaction would have to be derived from writing it.

This was a very dark and psychologically heavy fic, which I hadn't ever really written before (not in English at least). It was also the first time I tried my hand at flashbacks and a non-linear timeline. Part 1, especially the first chapter, is mainly made up of little vignettes because I wasn't very confident in my ability to write a long fic in English (I had only written one-shots back then, and one Teen Wolf fic which I never finished). It was experimental in so many ways and came with many challenges, first and foremost Negan's voice. As a non-English speaker, Negan's way of speaking was SO DIFFICULT to capture. I remember obsessively re-watching every single episode he was in in S6-8 of TWD to try and get used to the cadence of his words, to his constant delve into the vulgar and obscene. It was a nightmare. Every time I had to write a dialogue with him, I was basically pulling out my hair trying to make it realistic. It was also the first time in my life I ended a fic on a cliff-hanger, but it felt right because this wasn't for shock value or to spike viewer's engagement (what engagement lmao). If you've read part 1, you know the ending I'm talking about and it truly felt like a satisfying wrap on Carl's journey in the Savior AU, from child to man, from blunt weapon to active participant, from survivor to Savior. Honestly, I am still in awe of the courage I had to write an ending like that considering how self-conscious I was about my writing skills in English and what little audience I had. 2021 Duchess, you were a badass.

After I finished part 1, I pretty much lost interest in TWD. I was still incredibly proud of finishing it but I had no desire to get started on part 2 anytime soon. My PhD was taking up more and more of my time, I fell into Marvel hard, I created a Tumblr account to interact with the Stucky fandom, I got a Discord, I participated in Marvel events, I met wonderful Stucky people, and all around had a fantastic time in the Marvel fandom. Every once in a while, I'd get a comment on part 1 of Savior!Carl and... they were all so nice? I remember being actualy shocked by how sweet and how detailed those comments were, dropping in my inbox every few months, telling me how much they loved the fic and how they screamed at the ending. Whenever I received a comment, I would check the fic and get stunned at seeing the stats rise, more and more people engaging with it over the years. With every comment, my belief that I would one day go back to the Savior!AU series and write part 2 became stronger. I knew it would happen some day, it was just a matter of when.

And then, November 2023 rolled around. I defended my PhD and started a new job. Winter had come to Paris, and everything was dark and wet, and my new job had insanely long hours which left me very antsy when I came home. I knew I wanted to write something to distract me and be creative, but I had only written Marvel for two years and yet neither Stucky nor Stony called out to me. I knew I was craving something angsty and violent so I thought, you know what? Let's re-watch TWD on Netflix and see what happens. And lo and behold, I spiralled right back into my Savior!AU. A month later, I was posting the first chapter of part 2.

Honestly, I didn't expect anyone to still be interested in this fic 3 years later. I answered every single comment on part 1 and told each commenter that I had posted the first chapter of part 2 in the hope that someone would be curious enough to check it out. Marvel ships like Stucky and Stony were very active back then so I'd gotten used to a certain amount of stats on my fics, but I knew Cegan was a very rarepair in comparison and so I steeled myself for a return to very low engagement. And you know what? I couldn't have been more wrong. In terms of numbers, sure, it was barely a fraction of what I was used to. But in terms of comments? Of people interacting with the fic and telling me what they thought of it? Cegan was miles ahead of Marvel. To this day, some of the most consistent, most thoughtful comments I've ever received have been in the Cegan fandom. And it's not even a question of length either. I have people who have been commenting nothing but heart emojis on every chapter of my Cegan fics for the past year and I love them to death.

There is no word that can encompass how grateful I am for the Cegan community. I remember how scared I was back in 2021, terrified of antis and people criticizing the ship over, frankly, dumb matters (it's all fiction, enough said). 2021 Duchess could never imagine what today Duchess knows: that I have found so many loving and encouraging people to share my stories with. In one year of writing Cegan, I have met new friends, new readers, new writers, and all around incredible people. This is what fandom is about and I can only say thank you to everyone who has commented on my fics and reached out to me on Tumblr to talk to me about Cegan. This is worth more to me than any stat or number ever could.

2024 has been a fantastically productive year and I don't know if I'll write as much in 2025 but I know it doesn't matter, because more than a wordcount, this year has been about community. Thank you again to everyone who has been with me on this journey, from the bottom of my heart thank you. I couldn't have done any of this without you.

Love,

Duchess

PS: thank you so much @louferignojr for the tag. I'm tagging other people who might want to fill out the AO3 wrap card by Spicedrobot on Tumblr with the blank card at the bottom if they want to :)

@sparkagrace @confusedhockeyslut @lovelythunderstorm @ryisbread @ex0rin

@livefasteattrashh @honestlydarkprincess and anyone who wants to join in!!

[sweetdispatch]

Breakup & achievements - N. Hischier

When Two Sports Collide | previous chapter

timeline: December 2020 - June 2021

summary: Lisa reunited with Nico but this brings another problems on her

warning: swearing, mentions of cheating

words: 1.4k

note: i would love to end this whole story before end of the year so enjoy another chapter!

---

Lisa looked at the notification longer than she should. She didn’t know how to react after reading this comment. Nico hasn't spoken to her in 6 months to drop a bomb like that now. She felt lost because he was the one to break contact between them to now, feel proud of her. She decided to call Lottie and tell her about it.

“What the fuck is wrong with Nico?” 

“What do you mean?” Lottie was confused. 

“He commented that he’s proud of me. Dude ghosted me for half of a year and now he’s feeling proud?” Lisa laughed. “Pathetic”

“Maybe he wants to fix your friendship” 

“Then he should send me a message where he’s explaining why he did that and not commenting that he’s proud. He can’t be proud. He wasn’t there with me since my comeback”

“You’re overreacting Lisa. The best solution is to ignore it and see where this will go” 

Lisa’ life went on. After winning Euro, she focused on handball like never before. She felt that after the injury, she’s in the best shape she’s ever been. Her team, Vipers Kristiansand, was winning game after game. It looked like nothing could stop them. All the girls were hungry for success, especially that 2019/2020 season was cancelled due to a pandemic. 

In February, Nico was named a captain of the New Jersey Devils. Lisa was happy for him but decided not to tell him that. He was ignoring her after the pandemic and later randomly started liking her posts. She didn’t want to give him the satisfaction of her desperation to have him in her life. 

Month later, Lisa found out that Lottie broke her friendship with Maya. Lottie was devastated about how things turned out with Maya but she knew that it was the only right decision to cut her off from her life. It was shocking for her because she was the first girl to help her settle down in Switzerland. 

“You won’t believe what this bitch did” Lottie started the conversation.

“Who?” Lisa was confused.

“Fucking Maya Trunz” 

“What?” 

“She slept with the guy I like! I was flirting with him for months and she decided to fuck him” Lottie said with tears in her eyes.

“Wait, let me get this straight. She cheated on Nico with the guy you like? Am I understanding correctly?” 

“Yeah, she’s such a whore. Gosh I hate her. She was my close friend and stabbed me in the back” Now, Lottie was fully crying. 

“Fucking bitch… Does Nico know?” No matter how much Lisa was mad at him, she knew that he deserved the truth.

“Yeah, I told him that. He broke up with her but she’s trying to apologise to him hoping that he’ll forgive her. She’s pathetic” Lottie said. 

“She really is. Look at the bright side Lottie. You have one less toxic person in your life and this guy never deserved you if he slept with your friend” Lisa tried to make her feel better. 

“Yeah, true” 

“If you want, you can fly and spend some time with me. You’re always welcome in my apartment” 

“Thanks Lisa, at least you’re normal” They both giggled.

After the conversation, something changed in Lisa. She decided to write to Nico to congratulate him for becoming a captain. It was a rush of emotions but she felt that they might reunite without Maya in the picture. Deep down, Lisa felt that because of her, Nico decided to end their friendship. He responded to her immediately.

“Congratulations on becoming the captain and good luck out there!” Lisa wrote, it was a simple message. 

“Thank you Lisa! And congratulations to you on winning Euro. You killed out there” Nico responded. 

“Thanks Nico” She sent the message, thinking that their conversation was over. 

“I want to apologise for not responding in summer. I don’t have any excuse for this but just wanted to say that I’m really sorry. I had fun talking with you and I wish to still have it” You read his message a couple times before you wrote him back. 

“I don’t know what you want me to say. I thought we’re friends and then you pulled out shit like that, leaving me to wonder what I did wrong” 

“You did nothing wrong. It was me who messed up but I want to fix it… Only if you let me”

“Ghost me again and I swear, I’m blocking you” Nico laughed when he read this message.

Knowing that Nico is single now, Lisa was careful with him. She wanted him as his friend because they always had a great time but didn’t want to break Sander’ trust. She loved him deeply. The last thing she wanted was him breaking up with her. She saw the change in him after he found out about her talking with Nico during the pandemic and knew that she can’t tell him that she’s talking with him. 

Lisa felt bad for going behind Sander’ back, with her friendship but she didn’t want to choose. She tried to explain to herself that she and Nico live far away and nothing will ever happen. They were just friends but she knew that Sander would pull the “woman can’t be friends with a man without falling in love with him” card. Her head was spiralling with thoughts about her choices. 

Was it a good idea to reunite with Nico?

Is it good to risk a relationship with Sander for friendship with Nico?

Thankfully for her, the schedule became busier. Lisa had playoffs in the Norwegian League and in the Champions League. She put all her focus on trainings and recovery. She was watching and analysing other teams' games. Becoming an European champion was a dream but the job wasn’t done here. There were so many more things she wanted to achieve starting with the Champions League.

The end of May was a good month for Lisa. Vipers Kristiansand defended the title and for the second time, she was crowned as Norwegian champion. Now, it was the hardest part - Final4. Best four teams were in contention for the Champions League title. She was part of this back in season 18/19 but now, two seasons later it was a way different feeling. 

She and her teammates felt that they might bring the gold to Kristiansand. That they can make history by winning the first title for the club. In the semi final, they beat the Russian club 33:30. She was so close to reaching her dreams… And she did it. In the final, Vipers beat the French club 34:28 and Lisa scored 12 goals. 

In the span of 5 months, Lisa won Euro and now Champions League. She couldn’t believe it. This was an unbelievable experience for her. She was just a 21 years old girl who’s winning when last year, she was considering retirement. After the final whistle, they were giving the awards. Lisa was already excited that she won the Champions League but now, she also had been named Best Young Player and Final4 MVP. She was crying from happiness.

lisa.pedersen

liked by nicohischier and 5317 others

lisa.pedersen What just happened??? Bringing the gold to Kristiansand is a pleasure and I couldn’t be more happier for this whole team. Grateful to be part of the history❤️

charlotteolsen the way i SCREAMED when i saw the result, forever proud of you girl!!!!!

nicohischier Great job Lisa! You and your whole team played hell of a game out there, huge congratulations! Now you can call yourself double European champion❤️

1 June 2021

Sander saw Nico’ comment and was furious. He thought that her friendship with Nico was over but apparently it wasn’t. Instead of being happy for her win and celebrating with her, he started an argument.

“Why did Nico comment on your post?” He simply asked.

“I don’t know” Lisa lied.

“Tell me the fucking truth” He grabbed her arm.

“Okay, we’re talking. Happy?” 

“No! Why are you acting like a slut? Am I not good enough for you?”

“What?” 

“Don’t act dumb. You definitely want to fuck him behind my back” Sander stated.

“I don’t. We just explained the situation why he wasn’t talking with me during the summer and that’s it. We’re in a neutral relationship. You really think this low about me to think that I would cheat on you?” Lisa asked with tears in her eyes.

“Yes. That’s what I think about you” He stopped for a minute before he continued. “Choose, me or him?”

“You can’t be serious”

“Oh I am. Do you want me or him?” 

This is what Lisa wanted to avoid this whole time but now, she can’t run away. 

---

next chapter

[criesinitalics]

What Record of Ragnarok characters smell like.

According to what I wrote in my notes app on the 21st of December, 2021. (With comments)

—

Poseidon: Obviously fish. He’s a fishy boy, just arrived from Greece, landed like fresh tilapia. (This is a Rupaul’s drag race reference, but I have no idea who said this.) Maybe a bit like saltwater?

Adam: I’d say grass but the most likely answer is animal shit. (I mean, he is surrounded by them.)

Eve: Flowers. And animal shit.

Loki: Your ex bf’s sweater, or e-boy perfume.

Raiden: Sweaty rice (???)

Kojiro: Burning wood or forest.

Thor: Your fingers after you touched that static ball that makes your hair stand up.

Buddha: It is cannon that he smells good, best bet flowers and sugar.

Aphrodite: Milk. (I don’t think I was implying anything weird with that either, she just gave that vibe. I probably specifically strawberry milk or rose or champagne would fit better.)

Geir: Teenage anxiety. (god bless her soul.)

Heracles: Also sweat, with a hint of BBQ sauce.

Hemidal: Metal, the good kind. (whatever that means?)

Parvati, Kali, Durga: Smoothies, Cola, Fresh Laundry (In order. I like grouping them together :] )

Socrates: Unidentifiable.

Jesus: Wine, duh.

Confucius: Flower-scented stationary.

Zerofuku (Baby): Puppy breath. (I have no idea what this smells like btw but I heard it’s actually good.)

Zerofuku: Shattered dreams.

Ares: Comedy. (?????)

Zeus: The inside of that one unopened, unwashed water bottle you left on your bedside drawer for awhile.

Brunhilde: She’d kill you before you even get a whiff.

Jack The Ripper: London rain or a tea soaked cigarette.

Odin: Your grandpa’s old army uniform.

Hermes: The inside of a wooden instrument.